Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

It was a good Christmas. No snow really to speak of here in central Indiana. A slight dusting, enough to make the road a little slick, and the back porch a little icy, but other than that...definitely not a white Christmas.

For me, it has been a difficult season. My first season in 26 years where I didn't have my daughter home helping me decorate, watching It's a Wonderful Life with me, cooking Chicken Cordon Bleu (for the last couple of years!) with me. It's been strange. I almost didn't decorate past the village, but I realized that I needed to. I needed to have that Christmas spirit, even if it was only for myself. Why? Well, for one thing...I don't want to turn into a Scrooge. I haven't really lost my daughter. She has just grown up. It is as it should be. I raised her able to leave, and that's good. It's been lonely, but she is just a phone call or a visit to her work away. She still wants to see me, talk to me. She isn't mad at me, she is just..well...a grown up! She has begun making her new life for herself, and I am so proud of her I don't know what to do!

Part of my problem, of course, is that I didn't take any time to make sure that I grew up enough to live on my own. Sounds kinda funny, but it's really true. When your kid is running around and getting into things, you think they can't get out of the house fast enough. But my girl is a joy to be around and I guess I just never let myself think of her moving out. So weird. Makes me sound rather clingy, which I guess I have been. But I'm working on it. I don't want her to dread to see my name come up on her caller ID, or to make excuses to not come around. So, I give her the space she needs. I called her today just to say hello. She talked to me for a few minutes and my day was made! Now I can start taking down the Christmas things, and I can watch a couple more Christmas movies, and smile and sing while I do it. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that someone loves us. These moments have to be cherished. Life is fleeting, as is time.

Remember, each of us is someone's George Bailey. There would be an awful hole in their lives if we had never been born. This year, in addition to being YOUR George Bailey, maybe...I want to be MY George Bailey! I want to make MY life better by knowing myself.

So Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, and if it's not too bad to mix Wonderful Life with A Christmas Carol...God bless us all, every one!

Patty O'Furniture..again...

My readers will remember the Saga of the Patty O'Furniture. As you can see, everything happens for a reason! This picture shows my back yard after the gusty winds of a few nights ago. Every piece of furniture, including the swing, is now off the porch and on the ground. One thing you will notice, however, is that the table is still intact! Imagine how upsetting it would've been if I had been able to get that $300 glass patio set, only to find it smashed to smithereens in the back yard! Let this be a lesson! Follow those gut feelings...cause you just never know! =)

The Village--Part 2

Ok, so I decided to go ahead and set up the village. Here is a picture. It turned out beautifully, I think. So far, the cats have stayed off it, so I'm hopeful for the rest of the season. Took me 9 hours to get it all set up. After the devastation of the F5, I think it looks pretty darn good!

The Village

In 1999, one of the grouchiest ladies at the Library where I worked gave me a miniature house for my Christmas present. I was really excited about it for 2 reasons...one being that she didn't like too many people and I was one that she did like, and two...well, it was a miniature house! The lady that lived across the street from us at the time used to have her entire kitchen and the dividing bar area lined with little houses and people walking down the snow-covered streets...it was almost magical. Every year she would call us over to see her new building, and her new setup, and it would be more beautiful than the last one. So, I was excited, seeing as how I could now make a beautiful village to make the holiday season more festive.
The first year, I went out and bought 2, maybe 3, more buildings, and I had this little display and it was really pretty. But it just kept growing and growing, and every year I bought at least one more piece for The Village. For about 7 years, it was more elaborate and more beautiful every year. I loved it.
However, I haven't set up The Village in a couple of years now. No room in the last place, and last year I had just had surgery and everything was out in the garage. It just wasn't convenient, I guess.
So the other day, I went out to the garage and brought all the pieces up on to the front porch. I left them out there for a few days so the spiders could go find somewhere else to live.
Today, I went out and went through all the boxes and brought them all inside, ready to start setting up.
Well, as in any building project, the first thing you have to think about is location, location, location. I can't figure out where to locate The Village! No matter where I put it, I'm going to have to keep the cats out of it, or it will be like Fuzzy Godzillas vs. Charles Dickens. That's been a problem for years, though, and I got some sticky stuff to stick the little things to the table. That'll help.
So tonight, I thought, "I'm going to set it up on the dining room table and see what I have, and then I'll be able to better figure out where to put it."
The first thing I realized was that almost all of my skaters had either an arm, a leg, or a head missing. Out with the Super Glue! I was able to salvage three skaters. I was gluing the leg on a fourth, and ended up gluing the body to my middle finger! Three skaters is enough, huh? However, as I went through all the figures and the trees and tried to think of how to make a town out of them, I got really frustrated. I had to walk away...
Now, The Village is in tatters on the table. Broken bodies lie on the ground like jackstraws mixed in with gates, hedges, trees and lights. The train is off the track, and the tunnel face lies on its side, blocking the track. Only one or two buildings are standing. It is total devastation. See above picture! Instead of trying to pick up the pieces, I think maybe I will leave it.
This year's theme may be "F5 tornado devastes The Village".
I kinda like it!

Buenos Turkeys!

Coining a phrase there from my brother...Buenos turkeys! In English, that's, Happy Thanksgiving...just in case you didn't figure that one out!

Oh what a day this Thanksgiving has been! Got up late, got started late on cooking, made even later by the fact that I am TOTALLY addicted to a Facebook game called Farmville! There is nothing like growing your own coffee for fun and profit to make your life worthwhile!

Holidays are so strange. In fact, I'm getting ready now to watch an all-time classic holiday movie called "Home for the Holidays". My brother highly recommends it..I watched it once but it wasn't the holidays. I think maybe it'll come home to me a bit more now. The perfect dysfunctional family...what's the saying? We put the "fun" in "dysfunctional".

This Thanksgiving was a little stranger for me. For one, I had it at my daughter's house. She and her roommate cooked the turkey and the ham and lots of the fixins. Roomie's family brought a lot of other things to make the pitch-in complete. It was good food. So awesome to see my daughter as a grown up. Of course, afterward, she and her roommate painted eyeballs on their eyelids, which is in the picture above. My daughter is the one with the glowing yellow eyes...wow.. But it was really good fun. Kids!

The really strange thing about it is that on my way home, I got to thinking about Thanksgivings through the years. I remember ours when I was a kid. It was a great time of anticipation. Our grandparents would come down from TN and stay with us. Mema always...don't know if Bepa always came. But I remember Mema humming and cooking and bustling around the kitchen. The most wonderful woman .... wish I could be more like she was. I really miss her. But we would sit and eat too much, and then fall asleep in front of the TV with the football game on. Then of course Grandmother would come for a while and make everyone miserable, but after she left, it was usually ok.

I remember one year I spoke up at the table when we bowed our head to say grace, and said something about why did we always say it once a year when we never said it any other time. Never did quite understand that. Oh, I understand saying grace, but back then I didn't understand that just because you only speak in public to the Man Upstairs once a year, doesn't mean you don't talk to Him every single day of your life. I'm sorry, Daddy...I spoke out of turn. I was totally wrong to do that. It was never anything spectacular, but there was definitely love there, in spite of loud-mouthed teenagers like me.

I also found out that I really miss my ex-husband's family. We used to have such a great time on holidays. We would sit around and talk and then eat and then talk some more, and LAUUUUGH...so much.. then we would play games, then eat some more and talk some more, and then we would head home knowing that we had spent time with people who loved us, and people we loved. I remember one year, his sister had it at her house. I was helping wash the dishes and we were talking and laughing, and alllll these dishes kept coming through. Suddenly we realized we were washing tupperware that had had spaghetti in it. We heard hysterical laughing behind us, and turned around to find that they had taken advantage of our talking and had cleaned out the fridge! Good times.

One particularly memorable Thanksgiving, my sister fried a turkey. It didn't get done, got burned, and she finished cooking it in the oven. I can't find the picture, but it looked like we had dog for dinner. It tasted pretty good, though! Good visit. Good times.

One year, my daughter and I boarded a Greyhound and traveled 21 hours to Virginia to visit my brother and his family for Thanksgiving. That was a great trip. I hope to never do the bus thing again, but it was a good visit, good times too.

A few years ago, my sister and my mom came up here for Thanksgiving. My daughter and I cooked the first Thanksgiving dinner I had ever cooked in my life. Everything was really good. I think it might have snowed, too. Yes, again, good times.

And there is my own daughter. So proud of her. Still happy to be around me. But I left early because I know she is on her own now, and I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I was still the last one to leave, but I did help clean up! But I know she loves me, and I know her roommate loves me, and it was a good day. I pray that she will never dread me coming over, and that I may always have the wisdom to stay out of the way while she's cooking, but always help clean up.

Maybe next year I'll bring the Charades.

Just passing through...

Hi! I'm just stopping in to say hello! Today is day 42 of my quitting smoking. I've slipped a couple of times, but I know that I'm done with them. Alcohol lowers the resistance, I've noticed, but as long as I don't go out and buy any and start up again, I'm cool with that. I'm not a saint, ya know???

Anyway, life is boogie-ing on by as usual. We are 2 months away from freakin CHRISTMAS!! I can tell you right now, lots of people will be having Christmas in July from me, cause there ain't no way I'm gonna get all the stuff done I want to do.

Of course, Halloween is here and TV is totally filled with all my favorite stuff. Ghost Hunters here, Ghost Adventures there, Paranormal this and Haunted that...

My brother and sister will laugh and be happy to tell you how funny it is that I like all this spooky stuff since they, 1) had to call my mom and dad to come get me from the theater when they took me to see Phantom of the Opera, and 2) watched as I jumped up and knocked my TV tray over when the invisible man started returning and all his veins showed up.

Yes, I was a wuss. Not any more...the scarier and ghostier the better. Thing is...that kind of stuff doesn't bother me now. Stuff like 48 hours and Forensic Files..that bothers me...cause there are weirdos out there, ya know??

Oh well, anyway.....I am hanging in there, battling the melancholy that fall always brings. Such a beautiful, bittersweet time of year. Hope you are hanging in there as well!

Begging for a Living?

OK, first I want to say that this whole blog may come across as being judgmental. I apologize in advance for that. This is just something that I've thought about several times over the past few years. If you have a comment or an opinion, please feel free to leave it. First and foremost, PLEASE realize that I am thankful for my job!! I don't want anyone to think otherwise.

Seems like there is a trend that kinda comes and goes around here. It usually starts in the spring, and then you don't see it so much. Then it starts up again around this time of year, fall.
It's people who stand on street corners asking for money. There is one guy who every single day when I go home is sitting waiting on the bus, and when the light changes, he goes up to the first car in line and asks for money or cigarettes. I know this because he's asked me for both. Now, I pull up to the light and roll up my window. This guy, in my opinion, is just bumming for the sake of bumming (I of course could be wrong...but...). He is not the type of person I am talking about.
The person I am talking about usually has a coat on, and a suitcase beside him. (I will say him in the general sense meaning him/her. Trying to be politically correct here.) Sometimes he will have his dog beside him, and I always feel bad for the dog. Invariably he will have a sign made of cardboard with the "reason" he is on the corner scrawled in marker in what looks like child's writing. Sometimes it will say "homeless and hungry". Some others are "laid off can't work", "if you can't give, pray for me", or the very simple, "please help". Some of the people look like they've been through hard times. They look dirty and tired, and their clothes are tattered. Even their sign is tattered sometimes. I feel sorry for them, but I still don't give. Why?
Because for every one of the legitimate down-and-outers you see, there is most likely one who is only pretending to be down-and-out.
I think I saw one of these the other day. She was at the corner of one of the major department stores, squatting down, with the cardboard in front of her eyes to keep out the sun. The sign said "even a penny helps. please pray for me". I stopped at the light and I had time to look at her. Her hair was clean, her jeans were clean, her shoes looked clean, she had on a clean shirt and a nice little gym bag on the ground beside her. Even the cardboard looked new. And I wondered...does she really need help? There have been others too..and unfortunately there is no time to stop and ask these people exactly why they are there, and to try to get to the truth. Are they needy or not?
Now, before you think I'm just being downright mean, let me say that there was a time when I was out of work, not homeless but nearly so, and I used to pick up Coke bottles to turn in for the deposit to get cigarettes and maybe a hamburger from McDonalds. I was not above holding my hand out to people and asking, "spare change?" I even ate part of a Gaines Burger once (that's dog food for those of you who don't know). It was either that or braunschweiger sausage, and even starving I wouldn't eat that! So I know what it's like. I also know what it's like to get tired of it and slink back to McDonalds with my tail between my legs and ask for my job back. Or any job. I know there aren't a lot of jobs out there right now. I am hanging on to mine for dear life, even though I can barely make the rent most months. I work hard for what little money I get, and if I have spare change, how can I be sure that my "investment" in that guy on the corner isn't contributing to a large tax-free income? Seriously!
If you are interested, go to a search engine sometime and type in "begging for a living". You will find information on there about people who make up to $50,000 a year just begging on the street corners. That's enough to give one pause.
This man who asks for help has enough gumption to go stand on the corner for hours at a time, in all kinds of weather, you wonder...if he walked from store to store to store asking, wouldn't one of them give him a job? I don't know..
And that's what I'm saying...how can you be sure? I suppose I could just give each one a nickel or a dime, since "even a penny helps", but I wonder, what happens to me?
Am I being selfish? Greedy? Not allowing myself to reap the blessings of giving away money? I don't know. All I know is that right now it is Tuesday. My gas tank is nearly empty, and I don't get paid til Friday. I have $3 and change in my car ashtray. I will need that change, because gas is so expensive and even that probably will just barely get me through till Friday morning.
I honestly don't know. And I honestly want opinions about this. I don't look at these people with disdain, or look down on them. Maybe I'm too lazy to have a job like theirs. I don't know if I could stand on the street corner like that or not. I look at them and wonder, and wish I had more time to talk to them, and pray for them if they ask for it, and pray that I may never be in the situation to find out what they are going through.
There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

3 weeks down

Well, here I am! 3 weeks and not one cigarette! I really can't believe that I've made it without cheating myself one time. It's kind of interesting. I found that the only time I really really miss it is when I get in the car to drive home from work. So I have little paper straws to hold and that makes me feel better. I'm going to a party next Saturday, and I will be drinking some wine, I'm sure, so I'm hoping that I will be able to get through that without smoking. I have friends who have said they will support me. Whether that means not letting me smoke that night, or making sure I don't continue to smoke afterward...well, either way is fine with me. Thing is, I can breathe now. I smelled my perfume an hour after I put it on for the first time since I don't know when. I do have weird dreams...that's the Chantix..plus I always had weird dreams anyway. But I found that I have time now to do things around the house that would've been put off because I would've been smoking. Something that my support group (Chantix support group) says is..if it takes you 6 minutes to smoke one cigarette, and you smoke a pack a day, that's 2 HOURS you have spent in a day smoking! That was amazing to me.

Anyway, I'm doing great, got new shoes so I can walk better, started eating better, my house is coming together. It's great!

I'm still lonely, though..lol..had to throw that in there. But I'm a lot more comfortable than I was before. I suppose eventually I'll get over being lonely. Right now, I'm trying to learn to like being with myself. Trying to get my shit together before I'm too old to have any shit!

It's sad that we don't allow ourselves to enjoy the good things in our lives because we are afraid of the bad things that "might" happen. Don't know if that's Christian teaching or Murphy's law or what. But it is nice to pat myself on the back today and say...I did it! I'm going to try to keep my chins up and look forward to good things, and pray that they will come to not just me, but to my family and friends as well. I couldn't have come this far without you and I love you all!

Now, off to another week of work, and another week of not smoking..and maybe lose a pound or two! It really is a mindset..but oh so hard to get to... I have some words of wisdom spoken by that great prophet Anthony DiNozzo on NCIS:

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

Do something different today!

It's twins!!

No...no kids...but more patio furniture! LOL. A friend of mine is moving, and she gave me 2 more chairs and a table! I have room for a cookout now! Only thing is, gotta get some people over here to join me! Amazing. I didn't think I'd be really thankful that I didn't get that fancy schmancy patio set, but I really am now. It just goes to show that there are things that we need/want that eventually find their way to us in their own time. I need to remember that. So if you are ever discouraged because things don't seem to go right, or they are coming along really slowly...just remember the saga of Patty O'Furniture. BELIEVE!!!

The Saga of Patty O'Furniture continues....

A while back, I wrote how I had tried and failed to purchase a patio set for my deck. I have thoroughly enjoyed having a nice vacuum cleaner. "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D sucked big time, but Jensen Ackles is always nice to look at so it's got that going for it!

I had a party about a month ago. There were a lot of people here and there wasn't much of a place to sit, but we managed. Well..we won't have to "manage" as much anymore!

I am now the proud owner of this very PLASTIC (i.e. NON-breakable!) patio set. Now, I know it's not such an awesome thing to some, but the way it came to be on my deck, well, that's what the saga is allllll about...pull up a plastic chair and listen..

Yesterday I got paid. You know how I feel about payday..love/hate...money/broke...same story. This payday was nothing different. I went to the local Family Dollar store to purchase the usual and sundry items we can't live without, toilet paper, cat food, anti-freeze (another saga there!). I was pretty much finished with my shopping and walking down the aisle to check out, and there it was! A box! A box with little round plastic, umbrella-ready tables! Right beside it was a box with umbrellas in it! And on top of them both...the magic words...30% OFF!

If I had been in a car, my tires would've screeched I stopped so fast! To make it short, (too late..lol) I walked out of the Dollar store after having spent a total of $25.20 for a table and an umbrella! I was ecstatic! No, I didn't have any chairs, but that was ok. I knew that eventually I would be able to get some.

So, this morning I was on my way to the store and I drove past a yard sale. Sitting in the yard was a stack of 4 resin chairs. They screamed my name as I drove by, and even though I didn't screech my tires, I turned around as quickly as I could and went back. When I asked the lady how much she wanted for them (after deciding in my head I would pay $20 for them all) she said $2.00. I said $2.00 each? She said no, $2.00 for all of them! I asked her to hang on to them and told her I would be back with the cash in a little while. As I was driving I happened to think of the $2.00 bill in my wallet. Now, I do need to tell you the story of the $2.00 bill...

I was once caught in straight line winds at the local gas station where my daughter worked. It was pretty scary. As the manager herded us all into the back room, there was this little old lady who was scared of the storm. Once it passed, I went and got us some coffee and just sat with her for a while. When we got ready to leave, she took out this $2.00 bill and said she had had it in her wallet for 9 years and it had brought her good luck and she gave it to me for helping her. In the past 3 years since I've had that bill, things have started looking up for me and my girl, and I had begun to think that it was time for someone else to have the bill. How much more perfect could it be to pay for a miraculous stack of chairs with a miraculous bill!

So I told the ladies at the yard sale the story of the patio furniture and the little old lady and they took the bill. I don't know what they will do with it, I hope they will have good luck and pay it forward. But that is how I came into possession of the 4 chairs. They are sturdy, and comfortable, dirty..lol..and they are awesome.

The only thing that was left was an umbrella stand. Coffee can and rocks is what I was thinking, but I went to Lowes anyway. They had ONE umbrella stand left. It was plastic. It was the same color as my table. It was $3.99. SOLD! Add to that one 50 pound bag of sand, (2.99) and Voila!

The patio set you see above. I love it! Total spent...around $35.00, not $350.00 like the glass one that would've broken by now, I am certain of it.

So now I can have a party with my head held high... I have finally found my Patty O'Furniture, and we are going to live happily ever after!

The moral of this Saga (including the first installment) is: When God closes a door, He opens a window. Amen!

Let's do the Time Warp again!!!!

Ok, is it just me, or is time just flying by? Used to, work days dragged on and on. Now they are going almost as quickly as the weekends. What's up with that? I don't think it's just getting older. Even my 25 year old daughter says time flies. Now at work, where things are hectic and stressful, the time just goes on by. My sister sends me an email saying the clock has stopped, and yet it still is only a few minutes and it's time to go home. Once I get home...forget it...it's time for bed! I don't understand it. Weekends? They used to last a long time...well, a longer time... and now they are just zoom zoom and back to Monday to do it all over again. SSDD...ad infinitum...Pay days are the worst! Two weeks with no money, then I pay the bills, go to the store, get gas in the car and wonder where the money went. On Saturday, I'm back to square one. I might have a little bit left to get a little something, but not much. But that's ok...payday will be here again in about ...15 minutes.

I wonder if it is living in the present that makes me this way now. I try really really hard to not dwell on past mistakes, or even past triumphs. Seems like reality is in another dimension or something. I do spend a lot of time watching movies...but that's still just a couple of hours out of the day. I don't know.

But as time rolls on, I'm happy to be in a situation where it's not dragging by day after day after day with no hope for anything better tomorrow. (that was my marriage...yuk yuk)

I saw a saying the other day, "Normal Day, let me be aware of the treasure you are." I got to thinking about that, and I thought...how many people are facing horrific things on this day that is so normal for me? How many would give anything just to have to get up and drive 30 min to work? How many of them are crying over marriages that are falling apart, or the death of someone precious to them? Stuck in a situation that seems hopeless..no way out? How many are addicted and don't know how to stop? Without becoming too maudlin, I remember what it was like to be in those situations. How long the days seemed to be when there was no life but parties and long lonely nights and a bleak future.

*shiver*

I guess what I'm trying to say is this...I'm thankful for my normal days because there is always an abnormal day lurking somewhere in the future for us all. The time is flying because I have been blessed with normal days for now. It's all relative, Einstein.

So, let's get out of the car and walk up the road to the castle. I think the dancing has begun..

Let's do the Time Warp again!

Good Times!

I have so many things in my life I'm thankful for. One is that I have the freedom to end a sentence with a preposition. hehehe..
Even though there are also so many things to worry about, especially since our country seems to be on the verge of revolution, but I find that I am content. Not that I don't care, but maybe it's just that...at the age of 54 I am finally coming into my own. I finally have a house that I love, my daughter is now on her own and seems to be doing well, and I have friends. My brother and sister are my friends, too, and sometimes that's a rare thing in this day and age. So every morning while I'm driving to work, I thank God that I have another day to live and love and laugh. Maybe it's naive, stupid, whatever, but it's what I do.
Last night, I threw a party and there were 15-20 people here...I didn't get a good count...but we all had a great time, and I felt the LOVE....lol. There are some people who didn't come that I wish would have, and some who couldn't come that I wish could have, but my daughter and some of her friends were here, my best friend and some of her family were here, friends from work, and it was just awesome to me. Some of the dreams I had for this house have come true.
No, I don't make a lot of money still, I don't have much in the way of "things" and I do live in a country where there is turmoil. But I can go thru my days knowing that someone out there has my back, and ultimately God has my back. So, I'm going to try my best to not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself. Today, and in my memories, Let the Good Times Roll......

Lasagna for Dinner!

I guess about my favorite thing that I make is my Lasagna. I found a recipe about 15 years ago in the good ol' Betty Crocker Cookbook, but I've since made enough adjustments so that I can truly call it "MY" lasagna. In fact, I usually don't measure stuff, so this was weird! I love lasagna cause it makes this big pan and you can have it for dinner, lunch the next couple of days, midnight snacks, take some to work for friends....whatever! And it just always turns out good. Put some spinach in it if you need veggies, or have veggies with my cheese dip. Now the story of the cheese dip is this...there is a restaurant in ..well maybe I'd better not say...anyway, SUPPOSEDLY, one of the employees let slip to a friend of a friend of mine the "secret" recipe for their cheese dip, who let it slip to me. For a really long time, I didn't share it, but now...oh well... I can't see a restaurant really making the dip this way, although you never know. I have included that recipe as well, cause it's really good. Also, here is a picture of the actual lasagna and cheese dip I made tonight, just to tempt you. So, without further ado.....bon appetit!

Here is my Lasagna recipe:

1 lb of Italian Sausage, crumbled

1/2 onion, diced

1/2 green pepper, diced

Brown these all together, drain if necessary, then add:

2 cans diced tomatoes (15 oz)

1 can tomato paste (small)

1 tomato paste can of water

1 tbsp Italian seasoning

1 tbsp parsley

1 tsp basil

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp garlic powder

stir it all up, turn heat to low, cover and let simmer for about 1/2 hour.

Meanwhile, mix:

1 lb ricotta cheese

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

1 tbsp oregano

1 egg

put the layers together in a 13 x 9 pan sprayed with cooking spray

Like so:

• lasagna noodles cooked al dente and drained (cook 9, use 3 at a time)


• sauce


• ricotta cheese mixture


• mozzarella cheese (lots of it! I use about 4 1/2 cups total)

repeat,

end with noodles, sauce and mozzarella on top

Cover with foil, bake at 450 for 15 min then turn down to 350 for 45 min. I take the foil off for the last 10 min to let the cheese get brown and bubbly.

Let stand for about 5 min, if you can wait, then serve.

YUM!

Cheese Dip for Veggies

This is awesome with Italian food, or just any old time!

2 packages Kraft Mac & Cheese (Kraft is the best)

2 bars of cream cheese

garlic powder to taste, I use about 1/4 tsp

soften the cream cheese*

put about a tablespoon of water in a bowl and mix in the garlic powder and the cheese sauce powder from the Mac & Cheese. Make a necklace out of the macaroni, if desired!

Mix till smooth and then add the softened cream cheese.

Smoosh it all around and mix really well. Put in fridge overnight. Eat with favorite veggies.

Try to not eat too much!

*I have used the soft cream cheese before. It's easier, but it's just not as good.

The Sad Saga of Patty O'Furniture

Once upon a time in a very nice house in Indiana, there lived a woman who had a deck on her house for the first time....
Ok, that's how it would start if I was writing a fairy tale, but, alas, this is a true story. About 2 months ago, Aldi had a patio table & chairs and a glider for sale. The total for both of them was $300. I was talking to my sister about them, and she talked to mom, and, well, they decided to help me to get them. They paid half on it. So, knowing that the money was coming, I went to Aldi and, of course, none of them had any of either in stock. I was frustrated, but my daughter and I decided to check out Kmart down the road. We found a patio set that was absolutely FABULOUS. And it was the right price, but on sale. But of course, I only had half the money I needed right then, so we decided to leave.
On the way out, we spied a pizza place in the store and decided to have some pizza. While we were waiting, my daughter looked over and saw a sign that said "LAYAWAY"! Well, who in the world has layaway anymore???? So we took that as a sign and put the whole patio set on layaway!
Ohhh...sooo excited. I showed the picture from the website to anyone who would look, and faithfully showed up at Kmart every other week to make my payment on the furniture. Finally, my last payment was due this past Friday, and it was time to bring the furniture home!!! I could hardly wait to go get it. My daughter came home from work, we cleaned out the trunk of my car and took off to Kmart.
We walked back to Layaway (why is it always in the very back of the store??) and waited in line for about half an hour, made the payment, and then waited another 15 min while the stock guy went in search of our furniture.
Then...it happened. Andrew (the layaway guy) came walking up and said that they had lost my umbrella...ella...ella...hey hey..pffft... There wasn't one in patio and there wasn't one in the back. So, trying to not be discouraged, I got the money back for the umbrella. We took the rest of the furniture out to the car, and it didn't fit. The stock guy said that he wouldn't recommend us putting it in the trunk or even trying to put it in the car, because it was glass and might break. I didn't know what to do, but decided to just get the money back for the rest, and go look elsewhere.
So, on Saturday, I went off on the Great Patio Furniture Hunt. I found a set, and it was beautiful! I made sure to ask if it was in stock and the guy said oh yes. I paid for it, same price too, and told him I would pick it up as soon as I could get help. This morning, my daughter and I went in to the store to get the furniture. The manager came up to me and when I told him what I was there for, he said that when they went to get the table from the back, there wasn't one. So they were going to give me the display table. It was dropped, the glass broke. I couldn't believe it! He said that his manager was going to go get another one tomorrow and I could get it, but you know....my daughter and I were thinking about it and it just suddenly didn't feel right. It was like it was a sign or something...not supposed to have one...I don't know. But I got my money back from there too.
I went shopping again tonight, I hate shopping, but third time's a charm, right? WRONG!
I got a vacuum cleaner and "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D.
I know a sign when I see one.

Another Day in Paradise!

Well, I don't know if Indiana is paradise or not, but it's been a pretty good day. I've not been feeling the best. Trying to fight off the blahs that come from still having pain from my stupid falling on Memorial Day. But I keep trying. I've got the gardening bug now. I want so bad to get out and dig in the dirt, but can still only do a little at a time. I do it anyway. My petunias are beautiful, my pansies...welll...they died.. too much water, not enough drainage, I believe. Live and learn, I guess.. My tomato plant is in a coffee can and has grown to 3 feet. I think it's time to transplant! And a friend gave me a rosebush. A climbing rosebush with the very appropriate name "Stairway to Heaven". It is still in a pot, and growing like crazy. The roses will be red. I've never had a rosebush before. It's a little daunting, and I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about how to make it grow into the thing of beauty I just KNOW it's going to be!
I have one more payment on my patio table set, and I'm really really excited about having a cookout and sitting around playing cards afterwards under my new umbrella, ella, ella... So things are going pretty well. Just maintaining my sanity and trying to remember to BEND my knee when I walk, so I don't limp. It'll be better. Doc said it would take about 4 weeks to get back to where I was before I fell, so this is week 2 starting today.
I'm getting ready to start making Christmas stockings, so if there are any orders, now is the time!
So, ttfn from Paradise...if you pack your bags you can leave tonight! See you at the cookout!

The last week of May is here. It's starting to feel like summer a little outside. Some days it's hard to stay at work, like today when it was 78 degrees and low humidity...go outside to smoke and never want to go back.
I have had a hurdle this past week to get over. I had my first fall after my knee surgery on Memorial Day. I was really feeling good that day. My daughter was at work,and I was cleaning like crazy. I had a bag of trash to put in the outside can, and it was pouring rain, but I didn't care. It needed to go out.
So I stepped out onto the deck and went down like a ...well, I don't know what I went down like! I just know that it only took a second, and I thought for sure that $50,000 had been wasted on my left knee. Well, long story short, I was able to get back inside, and I was really upset. Called my daughter at work and scared her half to death. (I don't think she'll ever forgive me for that!) and called the doctor. On Tuesday, I had xrays done, and my implants are fine. I just bruised the knee, and what a relief!
Thing is, it was really getting me down to once again be in pain. But I was determined to get past it and start doing things again. I gave myself a couple of days to rest my knees, and then I started getting up and doing again. I am happy to say that today I feel fantastic, even better than before the fall, and I'm once again looking forward to working around the house and getting my life in gear!
But I don't recommend falling...it freakin' hurt! =)

Checkup

Had my 8, 9, 10...some week..checkup yesterday. It was a really good one. I don't have to go back to Dr. B for 3 months and if everything is ok then...never again...well, for 20 years or so anyway! I had him show me my first x rays. The ones he took way back in July 2008 when he gave me that terrible news that I was going to have to have surgery..and not just on one, on both! I cried all day. I was so scared! But now, almost a year later, I walk without pain! Anyway, back to the x rays. It was amazing to see those knees all bone-on-bone and bent inward. I was all knock-kneed and crooked and didn't even realize it. Then he showed me my knees now. It was amazing! They are even and straight and, well, titanium...but they are no longer bowed inward. I walk straight now. I hardly ever spill my coffee at work when I'm walking back to my desk. It is an awesome thing. I thought for years that I would never be able to live a day without pain again. Even though my knees still have aches in the muscles cause they are both still healing, it's not PAIN...it's not "oh God let me sit down before I pass out" pain. It's not "sweating-with-the-effort-of-just-standing" pain. It's just pain that will get better. I'm so happy I got brave enough to go ahead and have the surgeries. I have $100,000 knees now! lol. So, for insurance, I am also VERY thankful! So...I have to get off the computer now. I have clothes to wash (in the basement!) and trash to take out, and just walkin' around the house to do! TTFN!

Better Now

Ah, faithful readers...thank you for allowing me the little backslide into depression on Sunday. I am grateful I was able to share what was in my heart. Now, I am grateful to be able to share the brighter side of this life.
After spending all day yesterday sitting on the couch (I think Bill was off in Boot Camp..) and thinking of all the things that have come and gone, I have come out the other side into the sunlight! This is totally cool because A) that's where I need to be and B) since it only took a couple of days to get back, that means that I didn't slip so far back after all! This is a GOOD thing!
At work, things are pretty much SSDD..mergers, acquisitions, insurance companies, please hold for the next available representative, etc. So, we won't talk about work here today.
Home, on the other hand, has improved dramatically in just a few days. I have done some things over the weekend that I never thought I'd be able to do. I walked around Walmart for an hour, walked around Kroger for an hour, and today I walked around Aldis for 1/2 hour. I had enough stamina to do this and still come home and put up the groceries! This is an accomplishment! This is the beginning of saving the world! I bought pansies, petunias, geraniums and they are sitting on my porch in the sunshine giving off life and beauty and bringing me happiness every time I look at them.
The dishes are washed, and I am going to make something deeeeelishus for dinner!
Even though two days ago, I felt really down and depressed, by the middle of the day yesterday (I took a "mental-health" day....translation: called in sick) I was beginning to see the good things that are happening to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and I won't get to where I want to be in a day. But I'm on my way now because I know I can do this! I can make my life worthwhile, and overcome the negative feelings that I have had in the past.
So, Billy Boy, you go off and save the world. I am going to stay here and BUILD a world. It's gonna be faaaaaaaantastic!

Stripes

Stripes...Bill Murray...loser joins Army...saves the world. BUT,before he saves the world, he drives a taxi cab in New York City. He quits his job, but remembers the pizza and his girlfriend's dry cleaning. Unfortunately, everything gets dropped and dirty, when he gets home and his car is being repossessed, the pizza sticks to the box top, the dry cleaning gets dirty and his girlfriend has had it. She leaves. He flops on the couch and says, "..and then, depression set in."


This is how I have been feeling lately. I survived not just one but two total knee replacement surgeries. I am recovering just fine. But I have fallen back into an old thinking pattern that I thought I had a handle on long ago.

In my dreams lately (when I sleep long enough to dream!) I am running. I am playing games in the yard with my daughter. But the main thing is, my dreams match my life in that there is NO PAIN. Then I wake up. The pain in my knees is minimal. But when I'm awake, I realize the truth. I will have to lose alot of weight before I will ever be able to run. So nothing has really changed yet. This is the same reason I was never able to make myself lose weight before. I felt like I would go through all the weight loss and nothing would change. I would still be the same inside. So, I've had this surgery, and I have no more excuses. I can walk, I can exercise, I can do the things that will really and truly change my life. I am scared to death, I really am.

It's not that I feel like I'm horrible inside or anything. I think I'm pretty damn awesome and I'm really proud of myself that I have overcome the handicap of being fat AND mostly crippled to get as far as I have in life. I have it in me to be everything I am meant to be if I'll just get off the couch and do it.

But right now, I'm flopped on the couch with Bill feeling sorry for myself and wondering if all the plants are gonna die. I'm not sure how I will handle it. I can't join the Army. I can't quit my job and do something else in this troubled time. I have the house I've always wanted, my daughter is getting herself together, my cats love me...what more do I need? A man? Not right now. Not till I get past all this, because I know how easy it is for me to slip right back into the "nothing matters" part of my psyche.

So...how will I handle it? I will wash a few dishes. I will take the trash out to the curb. I will walk (slowly and carefully) down the basement steps and do my laundry. I will fix something decent to eat. I will get up, go to work, and I will walk without limping. Then maybe I'll feel more able to make a screen for my back door, dig up the dead bush in the front yard and plant my lilac bush, pull the weeds in the flower bed and plant some bulbs for next year. One step, one day at a time.

Get off the couch with me, Billy Boy. We are off to save the world....eventually.

Life is what happens....

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. - John Lennon

So...I was making other plans. My house was a disaster area because I was still recuperating from knee surgery. But I didn't care. I knew it was going to get better. I knew that eventually I would feel good enough to get up off my ever-expanding ass and do something about it.

But life happens, and now my daughter has moved back home. The house is worse than a disaster! There is stuff everywhere and now it looks like we just moved in. I have decided not to stress about it, and am trying to come up with "other plans" so that it will end up being a good time for us two grown-ups to spend together. Not to mention it's like starting from scratch and it's time to rearrange furniture!

First of all, let me say that I am not upset that my daughter has moved back. She tried so hard, but she was really doing it all on her own. Her roommate was, unfortunately, unable to find work. Then the person they were renting the apartment from decided she didn't want that to happen anymore and basically kicked them out. So my daughter is back, and SHE is upset about it. But I think everyone knows that it's the best thing to do. It is temporary and we both know it.

Second, I know it's going to be difficult for her now that she has had that taste of freedom to be back home living with mom. I am planning on staying out of her business as much as I possibly can, and I am planning on continuing on with my "plans" to start crafting and painting, just like I was before. I NEED to do that! I need to make things, to make clothes for myself, and crafts for people to buy. I am hoping that this bump in the road will be just that...a molehill, not a mountain.

Third, I'm glad to have the time this summer for the two of us to maybe get this house in shape so that when she leaves next time, I won't be so overwhelmed with the things that need to be done. Seems like everything was such a rush last time when she moved, we didn't get a lot of things finished. So, with her helping me a little, I will feel much better about things when she moves the next time.

So all in all it's a good thing. And if it's not, well, I'm determined to MAKE it a good thing. Because this is life...the plans are still there, but life is happening now. Thanks, John, for those words of wisdom.

Red-Letter Day

Today was a big day for me! I went back to work for 4 hours. Surprised my boss and everyone else by coming back early. I think they were glad to see me! lol I also did my own laundry. Now that doesn't sound like much, but when you think that I have to walk down 15 stairs to the basement AND walk back up too...well, it's a big deal! Also, my daughter came over and we had a little cookout and visited for a while. It was a really nice time.

SCARY....

Addendum to earlier post (please read that one first...)

Just as an experiment, I went ahead and logged into a yahoo chat room or two. I was immediately accosted by instant messages ( a total of 20) from females wanting to show me their naked bodies on their webcams. I ran like a scared rabbit. Back to solitaire.....

What happened to internet chatrooms?

I watched "You've Got Mail" the other night. I love that movie, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It always makes me a little nostalgic, though. It is based on the early days of chat, meeting people online, most of whom could spell the word "you" instead of just putting "u". (Obviously a pet peeve of mine..lol) But I will get to that in a moment...
When I began my journey on the internet, most people were in the same position I was. It was new, different. It was 1996 and I was looking for something to fill my lonely nights while my ex was ...well, filling HIS nights. Anyway, I found a chat room through one of the few internet providers in Indiana, and immediately was hooked. Everyone had "handles" instead of names, well, except me...I was Karen and that was that! But we became friends. We talked to each other, had "virtual parties", even met Mr or Ms Right several times. But the main thing was, there was conversation. Current events, sex, advice, and just plain "chillin" were going on in that chatroom 24/7...well, maybe not every night. Most of us were grownups with jobs and families, but we were friends. In fact, I met my best friend in that chatroom. We've been friends for 13 years, we work together, and I can't say that I have another friend in the world that I've been friends with for that long. The reason? We got to know each other by communicating. She met her husband in that chatroom. It was an awesome time. There were no pictures. Most of us didn't have a clue what we were doing. But the prospect (at least to me) of having friends all over the state was just an enormous boost to my morale. We even got together for meetings at a centrally located restaurant, and had parties at our houses. It was great!
Fast forward to 2008...would say 2009, but I haven't bothered this year...
If you want to find a chat room like the one I've described, you have to pay for the privilege of using it. Most of the time they are attached to some sort of matchmaking system, and I'll be quite honest with you....I'm not going to pay $200 a year to be rejected when I can be rejected for free! I've toyed with the idea of re-joining a site that used to be free, just to be able to chat like that again, but unfortunately my finances don't allow that right now.
So, if you don't pay for the privilege of being matched and then being able to actually talk to your matches, you are SOL. So, I have tried public chatrooms, such as Yahoo, and here is what you see when you get into one of those:

Karen: Hello Room!
mrbigdong: hey a/s/l (age, sex, location)
letsdoit: hi karen, wanna f***?
brandy: SEE MY DIRTY PICTURES AT www..... (whatever)

Then you will almost immediately get some kind of instant message asking the same questions and if you DO end up with someone actually wanting to talk, they can't speak in complete sentences, or they will talk to you for an hour and then want to get together to f***. It's really really sad. I even went into a game room once that had chatting, and was waiting for a partner to play Cribbage, someone joined the table and started in on all this stuff, and when I said I was there to play Cribbage, he left the conversation. I was amazed.

Anyway, I know things change, but when I watch that movie, I remember that feeling that somewhere out there, just a few clicks and words away is someone I might be able to connect with. Someone I can talk to and get to know without paying a fortune, without having to fight off the predators. Surely there is... As Meg Ryan says in the movie, just the possibility of being in love....

So, what was once a social network for me has again become a solitary way to pass the time. I long for those "olden days" but I know they are gone for good.

However, I might try again....I could use a good laugh.

Vacation's almost over...*sigh*

What a shame to have to have surgery to have a vacation. But it's been a good time for me. I have killed two birds with one stone! I have,of course, this brand new knee and a new lease on life with that.But I also have had the opportunity to get used to being by myself. My daughter has been going through some things of her own, not to mention she works all the time, so she hasn't been as "available" as she wanted to. Of course, she was here the first week, but after that, I pretty much had to be on my own. I'll admit, I nearly went crazy a couple of times, just because I was bored silly. I called her one day and had her come by on her way home from work to just give me a hug! lol. She was happy to oblige.
Mostly, though, I've been here by myself. It has given me the chance to look at my life and the direction I want it to go. I don't know that I'll ever be much of a social butterfly, but at least when I'm here by myself (after I heal up a little more), I'll be able to do some projects that I've put off for so long.
Making a quilt for my bed
Making bunny rabbits to sell (cloth ones, not furry ones!)
Painting, drawing, generally letting the artistic side of me flooooooow...

There will be no reason to be bored. And if I get the chance to get out sometimes, well that's a bonus! I don't think I'll be looking for a man any time soon. I need to get to know myself a little better. My ex-husband's mother got remarried at the tender age of 65, so there is time....barring the proverbial bus accident, of course.

So now I am thinking of going back to work. Starting to get my clothes together so they can be washed and ready. I drove yesterday and it went great, so that's not going to be a problem. My doctor's appointment is Monday and he will give me the go-ahead to go to my sit-down job, I'm sure. I'm off the pain meds, finished with physical therapy...time to rejoin the human race. I know my boss will be thrilled since she has had to do my job for the past 5 weeks on top of her own. Besides, they miss me..lol

Life should be different now. Not clouded by pain, not everything I do or want to do weighed against how much it will hurt. No excuses. Wow...send me back! lol Look out world! Here I come!

Should've seen it coming...

I KNEW IT!!! I should've seen this coming a mile away, but denial isn't just a river in Egypt, baby! I knew I needed a nap. Have had a nap every day for one blissful hour for the past 3 weeks. But not today. Today my nap was wonderfully interrupted by my daughter the cook. She came armed with chicken and ribs and steak and all kinds of other delicious food. So I helped her, of course. I chopped onions, peppers, husked corn, and basically acted like a normal human being. Pretty soon the house (and the whole street, from what I was told) was filled with the aroma of shish kebobs and corn and just general YUM! We started at 2:00, and around 6 hours later we finally ate. Why did we wait so long? Well, there were friends involved. My daughter's friends who were here and then left and then came back. We waited on them, cause we are nice folks, right? yes we are. Finally had to eat something, and oh my goodness it was deeeeeelishus!
Now the problem, after the food we all sat around and talked till my daughter left at 11:30. By then I was exhausted, my knee hurt, my back hurt, and I realized that I hadn't had a piece of ice on my leg for probably 12 hours. So now it's 3AM and I can't sleep. Aching and stressing because I'm aching....I hate being up at night with pain. Where's the morphine pump when ya need it huh?
So I'm miserable physically, but my heart is light because my daughter was here with her friends, and we shared a wonderful time together to celebrate Easter one day late.
My PT guy would be not so happy with me, and yes, I should've seen it coming a mile away. But it was worth every minute and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Better every day

Oh boy am I hurting! lol However, it is a really good hurting, if you know what I mean. Yesterday my daughter took me to Walmart. She helped me down the couple of steps at the house, brought me out a little riding cart when we got there, and for over an hour (and $119.00) I tore up the aisles at Wally world! Oh what a wonderful time! The walls had begun to close in on me, and I swear, I can't believe how much I pay for the joke of Cable TV! But I got some easy to fix food, and some fruit and stuff and now I feel able to face the next couple of weeks stuck in the house. Monday is the exception, I get to go out and see the doctor and get these damnable staples out of my leg! I'm beginning to feel like a zipper. It will be great to get them out.

Of course, last night, I couldn't sleep, I was in a great deal of pain and almost regretting going out at all. But the good totally outweighs the bad. Makes me think of how much freedom I will have once this knee heals. I won't hurt anymore...at least not like I have. What a thought!

I can't wait to dance the Electric Slide again.

There is actually sunshine in Indiana today. I might make it out to the porch this afternoon and enjoy a little of the fresh air. Some of the trees are blooming already and spring is definitely on its way. My heart is filled with hope for the future, despite the downturn in the economy and other things happening that are beyond my control. I'm determined to keep a good thought and believe that all will come out right in the end.

14 days post op

I lived! I made it through the surgery and fought my way to near sanity and now am enduring the post operative joy of constant aching and physical therapy! Hooray for me!
Actually things have been pretty good. Yesterday was a bad day...maybe because it was the 13th day? Don't know if I really believe all that, but I was depressed and feeling really helpless. Today is better, even though it's one of those wonderful dreary Indiana days where the sun doesn't shine and it won't rain. Like Narnia...always winter, never Christmas.
So, what does it feel like to suddenly have the possibility of making my life better? Making it everything I've always dreamed of? Scary as hell, that's how it feels! It's like quitting smoking and getting hit by a bus. What if I have gone through this and then I have a heart attack? What if I try to make my life better and it stays the same? So many things can go wrong...but then again, so many things can go right too. In my upbringing, I think I was taught to look at the half-empty glass. I try to look at the half-full glass, but more and more I'm just thankful I have a glass at all.
So, I'm trying to just get my act together, and trying to be patient because there are things I want to do but still can't. Now I'm going to go put my leg up and watch Harry Potter for the Umpteenth time. More to come!

Time has come today...er...tomorrow...

Doing much better today. Yesterday (and most of today) was like a lesson in steel-will. I will NOT smoke, I will NOT cry, I will NOT get anything done because all I can think of is the things I can NOT do! lol
oh well. Tomorrow is D-day, or S-day or SSDD...no..not that!...Surgery day. This poor soul and the two ladies taking care of me are going to have to drag our butts out of bed at 5:00 AM and get to the hospital by 6, where they will fill me full of all kinds of drugs, mark on my leg, ask me my name 50 times and then knock me out and make me bionic! *fanfare please*
I'm nervous about it, but I'm ok, ya know? Like I've said, I've been through it before and everything is great. If it's even half as good as the one I've had done already, it will be better than now. I didn't realize how much pain I used to be in. BOTH my knees used to feel like this!!!
Ok, so I bid my faithful few readers adieu for at least 2 weeks. I shall return.

Sunday....

Here it is...Sunday...I'm at two days now, my arthritis medicine has worn off completely, I haven't had a cigarette since yesterday at noon. Maybe I really shouldn't even talk right now.
I'm hanging in there, let's just leave it at that! Happy Sunday!

4 days to blastoff!

It's Thursday. I have 2 more days to work, 2 weekend days to get everything together, and then it's time for a new knee! This is the second one, so I guess I haven't been too upset about it. But today when I was driving home from work, I started thinking about how it would be to try to drive. (It's my right knee...thank God for automatic trannys!) That got me thinking about all the things leading up to the actual surgery, and all of a sudden I was scared shitless.
I had one of those heart-stopping moments that made me realize how things can always go wrong, and what about my daughter, and what have I left this world to remember me by?
I have paintings that will be finally famous, a book that will be published partially finished, poems that have been rejected that will be compiled into a bunch of Hallmark cards.
Not really a good thing to think about I guess, but maybe it is. After all, it does happen to us all eventually. And I want to see the fruits of my labors. So my New Year's resolution...3 months late...is that once I'm healed up, I am going to start figuring out how to get my stuff out there. Maybe I'll publish that book. Or maybe I'll just put it here on this blog. Someone will read it. If people who read it enjoy it...isn't that the whole point? Sure, I'd like to make money from it, but hey...it's tough out there for authors. Although I know what I've written is better than some of the crap I've read!
And my paintings....they are really really good. I've sold some... and someday that person will be able to say, oh yeah, I've got 6 originals, they are worth $100,000 a piece. Now that is a nice thought.
We all want to leave our mark on this world. We have kids and hope that they have better lives than we did. We do all we can but eventually they are on their own and make their own choices. They are ours, but they are not ours forever.
The words I put on paper or on here are mine. Even if someone steals them, they are still mine. The paintings I do, the drawings, they are mine. My heart and soul put down on paper for all to see. These things are me.
Sometime maybe I'll get some of the paintings posted on here. I took pictures, ya know? Then the reader may judge for himself. Till then..let's all look inside and think...
I have a life-changing event happening to me in 5 days. What will I do with my life on day 6 to make it happier, to make it mine? Will I carry on in the same-shit-different-day life I live now, or will I start taking steps to change my little corner of the world?
As for me, I have my art stuff ready and my fingers limbered up.
I'm gonna rock my own world!

COUNTDOWN!

Friday, March 6,2009
Don't know if it's a day that will live in infamy, but it's the countdown to March 17, which is the day I get my right knee replaced. I'm really excited about it. Trying to get things done around the house that will make life easier when I'm a gimp! Since I've already had the surgery once on the other leg, I know what to expect. I know it's gonna hurt like hell, and the drugs will be really good so I won't care. I also know that 5 or 6 months from now I will feel like a new person!
So here I am, going along anticipating surgery like it was a trip to the Bahamas. I WILL have 6 weeks off work, so that's a good thing..really sad to have to have surgery to get a vacay! But it's all good.

I'm doing pretty well on my own in my empty nest. I kinda like it, but I still don't seem to know what to do with myself. Tonight I am rearranging the living room furniture, and who knows what I'll do tomorrow? I guess whatever I want!

Beautiful day here in Indianapolis. The cats are enjoying the front porch, I'm enjoying the fresh air blowing through the house. Maybe spring is actually on its way. Although we usually get one more good snow and/or ice storm before winter finally gives up the ghost and lets spring ...well, spring!

Empty Nesting, continued (just a little...)

I went to my daughter's "crib" last night. She and her roommate were so excited for me to go over there, and I'm really glad I did! It took me 20 minutes to get there, and I had to walk up 15 or so stairs on my bum knees but it was well worth the effort. They have turned this little apartment into a leopard/giraffe/elephant paradise! It is so cozy and smells so good. (candle freaks-both!) and the feeling that came over me as I sat in their easy chair was peace and comfort, and somehow a sense of "right". I sat there thinking that I am really finally ready to let her go. (But still thanking God that she's only 20 min away!) I'm also thankful she has a roommate that has a good head on her shoulders too. They are good for each other. They keep each other motivated and in line....well, somewhat! lol. I love her roommate almost like my own daughter.
Then they cooked for me! Imagine that! I was sitting at the dining room table watching my little grown-up girl cooking her first dinner in her first apartment. It was an amazing sight! I waited around a little and visited after dinner, but then I needed to come home. I came in and was greeted by 3 hungry cats and a messy house that I love, and felt once again, peaceful and right.

My darling daughter, I am so very proud of you and I love you more than I can say!

Empty Nesting

Today is my first day as a single adult. I've been divorced for 12 years, but I've been "mom" all that time. Now, my daughter has flown the coop. So I am back to being a real single adult. It's not all bad, I have to admit. But it's weird. It's like when you are in the habit of putting your keys on a certain table, and then you rearrange the furniture. For a while, you still try to put the keys there. Then it hits you oh..the table's not there. But you find another place to put your keys and it gets comfortable again. That's what it's like...maybe...I hope! Because right now, it's really sad for me when I think, oh I have to remember to tell her....and then realize I might have to remember for a week or more. This at my age might be a little difficult!



But there are high points as well. Everything I spent $100 at the stores on today will be mine. I won't open the freezer to get one of my favorite Pina Colada Frozen Treats and find that the box is there but the treats are gone. I will reach for the toilet paper and it will actually be on the dispenser with the paper facing out the correct direction. When I go look for my toothpaste, it will be on the sink, not in the shower. (don't ask..lol) I can eat FISH for dinner!!!



But I won't hear her laugh as much, and I won't get to watch her as she changes and grows, but she will change and grow without me, and after all, that's how it should be.



So it's a bittersweet day as she takes her last load out to the car and drives off. Looking toward the future with hopefulness and determination, she drives into the world. My days of protecting are done. I can no longer hold on to the little girl who was. I now will make friends with the young woman I raised. She's a good kid. Lots of heart, caring, and beautiful. I helped make her that way. It's up to her what she makes of her life from this point on.



From now on, when I go to reach for my keys, I will remember that this is a normal part of life and it's time for ME now. I have to figure out what to do with myself after so many years of putting someone else first. I have plans, just need to figure out how to implement them.



So I guess in a way, we are both growing up today. I love her so much, and I wish her all the happiness and success in the world. Fly away, little birdie!