Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

It was a good Christmas. No snow really to speak of here in central Indiana. A slight dusting, enough to make the road a little slick, and the back porch a little icy, but other than that...definitely not a white Christmas.

For me, it has been a difficult season. My first season in 26 years where I didn't have my daughter home helping me decorate, watching It's a Wonderful Life with me, cooking Chicken Cordon Bleu (for the last couple of years!) with me. It's been strange. I almost didn't decorate past the village, but I realized that I needed to. I needed to have that Christmas spirit, even if it was only for myself. Why? Well, for one thing...I don't want to turn into a Scrooge. I haven't really lost my daughter. She has just grown up. It is as it should be. I raised her able to leave, and that's good. It's been lonely, but she is just a phone call or a visit to her work away. She still wants to see me, talk to me. She isn't mad at me, she is just..well...a grown up! She has begun making her new life for herself, and I am so proud of her I don't know what to do!

Part of my problem, of course, is that I didn't take any time to make sure that I grew up enough to live on my own. Sounds kinda funny, but it's really true. When your kid is running around and getting into things, you think they can't get out of the house fast enough. But my girl is a joy to be around and I guess I just never let myself think of her moving out. So weird. Makes me sound rather clingy, which I guess I have been. But I'm working on it. I don't want her to dread to see my name come up on her caller ID, or to make excuses to not come around. So, I give her the space she needs. I called her today just to say hello. She talked to me for a few minutes and my day was made! Now I can start taking down the Christmas things, and I can watch a couple more Christmas movies, and smile and sing while I do it. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that someone loves us. These moments have to be cherished. Life is fleeting, as is time.

Remember, each of us is someone's George Bailey. There would be an awful hole in their lives if we had never been born. This year, in addition to being YOUR George Bailey, maybe...I want to be MY George Bailey! I want to make MY life better by knowing myself.

So Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, and if it's not too bad to mix Wonderful Life with A Christmas Carol...God bless us all, every one!