Happy New Year?

I have to say as I begin this post, that everything I said in my New Year's post is true. I still believe every last word. That is why it is so hard for me to admit that this New Year so far has not been good at all. In fact, I am suffering from some of the worst depression I've had in a long time. Not exactly sure why, but I am trying to put my finger on it.
I started out the year with car trouble. Car trouble always sucks, but when it's below zero wind chills outside and I have to rely on others to get me to and from work, then it gets stressful. I was so stressed out all week that today I didn't go to work. I wasn't sick...physically, anyway...but I just knew somehow that even though my car would most likely start, I needed to stay home. I woke up and called in to work, sat down on the couch and proceeded to sleep (sitting up!) until 1:15 when my sister called to make sure I was alive. Thank God she called or I might still be sitting there snoozing even now. (12 hours later)
Hopefully, there won't be repercussions from my being out today. If there are, I am willing to accept that. Because I think I figured out something.
I don't know how to live without being in pain! For the past 7 years or so, I have lived with this constant crippling arthritis pain in my knees. It has been my reason, and sometimes my excuse, to not do much of anything. Now, I don't have that pain. I have no reason to not do the things I need or want to do. I have spent the past couple of months sitting in front of this computer playing all manner of mindless games just like I did before. Not to say that there's anything wrong with playing games, but in my mind I'm still a cripple. I still tell myself I can't do things. This is a huge part of my problem, my depression. I need to tell myself I CAN do it! Having my knees replaced has turned my life around, yet I keep looking back. I cannot do that any more.
I have to start right now, today, doing things that are difficult. Doing the things that I used to put off because I hurt. I think over the years I just got lazy (er..)and now it's just a struggle to not be lazy anymore. I can do this. I know I can...I can actually reach my bootstraps now to pull myself up. Today is the day. Things are going to change, and I hope that in a few weeks, I will be able to post here that they have indeed changed. There are other things I have to deal with, of course. I don't like my job, I'm lonely, I don't make enough money. But these are things that will take care of themselves in the passage of time AFTER I learn to live with my new physical UNlimitations!
Keep pulling for me, friends!