I'd rather have a root canal

Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors

When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun.
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done,
I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in it's head.
That's when my momma said...
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay...

You'll be a dentist

.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist

.
People will pay you to be inhumane!

You're temperament's wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You'll be a success!

So...this is the way I have thought about dentists ever since a certain unnamed asshole gave me 13 shots and even when I didn't get numb, drilled away! Before that, I was never scared of the dentist. Dr Robertson was sooo handsome, and he always said..Oh! There's that mean old Karen again! It wasn't an ordeal. Just something that had to be done. And afterwards, we got suckers!!! Keep 'em comin back!
However, Dr Jones, we shall call him, wasn't handsome, nor did he particularly care that I wasn't numb. He just kept shooting and drilling. Kinda like boot camp? Anyway, after that day I have been terrified of dentists. This is quite obvious if you look at my molars. I only have 4 left. The rest have had to be pulled because they got so bad they couldn't be fixed. I had neither the desire nor the money to do that, so I had them yanked. Each time I would go in a white-knuckled wreck and come out thinking...wow..that wasn't so bad. I might even make an appointment to go back. But I wouldn't.
This time, though, I had a choice. Dr B said I needed a root canal pretty soon. I put it off for as long as I could, but it started hurting sometimes, so I set an appointment. The closer it got, the more nervous I got. I found out how much it was going to cost. I decided to just get it pulled. My sister, bless her, said I should probably try to save the tooth and offered to help pay for the crown to keep it in my head. So I decided to go ahead with it. (As it turned out, she didn't have to help, so that was cool)
Today was the day.
I think it helps to tell the receptionist that you are scared. When the dentist, who is quite handsome, by the way, came in, he said he had heard I was "a little nervous" and promptly shot me up with a double dose of anesthetic. I won't feel the left side of my face til tomorrow! Even my NOSE is numb! I told him I couldn't believe how scared I was. After all, just a year ago I had a doctor cut both of my leg bones off and stick metal stuff in their place. I don't think I was this scared then.
I think it's because I didn't see it, you know? After all, when a dentist is in your mouth, well, he's right in your face! He had said I wouldn't have to do anything..maybe hold a tooth or something. I think he was kidding, but still... When I had my knee surgery, I didn't have to hold my freakin kneecap so the doc could pound the metal into my leg, ya know??? Plus I was totally asleep and dreaming of a happy place. Whatever happened to gassing patients??
Anyway, today I was numb, for sure, and he put this rubber dam thingy in my mouth and laid the chair back, pulled down those weird little magnifying glasses and started drilling. He had two hands in my mouth...the dental assistant had two hands in my mouth, and I felt like I had been abducted by aliens!
If they could ever make a drill that didn't make noise or vibrate your head or smell like something burning, people wouldn't mind going to the dentist so much. Someone should work on that! In fact, if it hadn't been for all the noise and stuff, I probably would've fallen asleep, because I almost did as it was! I just kept closing my eyes and waiting for something to hurt.
All in all, it wasn't a terrible experience. My hands were as numb as my face because I was clenching them so tightly. But it didn't hurt, and I'm very thankful for that. He wouldn't give me drugs, though.oh well...
My brother said once that teeth were not one of God's better creations. I tend to agree. They are necessary, though, and with a dentist like mine, I plan on taking better care of the ones that remain.
But I can tell you this...next time someone wants me to do something I really really really don't want to do, I can honestly say, "I'd rather have a root canal".