Just passing through...

Hi! I'm just stopping in to say hello! Today is day 42 of my quitting smoking. I've slipped a couple of times, but I know that I'm done with them. Alcohol lowers the resistance, I've noticed, but as long as I don't go out and buy any and start up again, I'm cool with that. I'm not a saint, ya know???

Anyway, life is boogie-ing on by as usual. We are 2 months away from freakin CHRISTMAS!! I can tell you right now, lots of people will be having Christmas in July from me, cause there ain't no way I'm gonna get all the stuff done I want to do.

Of course, Halloween is here and TV is totally filled with all my favorite stuff. Ghost Hunters here, Ghost Adventures there, Paranormal this and Haunted that...

My brother and sister will laugh and be happy to tell you how funny it is that I like all this spooky stuff since they, 1) had to call my mom and dad to come get me from the theater when they took me to see Phantom of the Opera, and 2) watched as I jumped up and knocked my TV tray over when the invisible man started returning and all his veins showed up.

Yes, I was a wuss. Not any more...the scarier and ghostier the better. Thing is...that kind of stuff doesn't bother me now. Stuff like 48 hours and Forensic Files..that bothers me...cause there are weirdos out there, ya know??

Oh well, anyway.....I am hanging in there, battling the melancholy that fall always brings. Such a beautiful, bittersweet time of year. Hope you are hanging in there as well!

Begging for a Living?

OK, first I want to say that this whole blog may come across as being judgmental. I apologize in advance for that. This is just something that I've thought about several times over the past few years. If you have a comment or an opinion, please feel free to leave it. First and foremost, PLEASE realize that I am thankful for my job!! I don't want anyone to think otherwise.

Seems like there is a trend that kinda comes and goes around here. It usually starts in the spring, and then you don't see it so much. Then it starts up again around this time of year, fall.
It's people who stand on street corners asking for money. There is one guy who every single day when I go home is sitting waiting on the bus, and when the light changes, he goes up to the first car in line and asks for money or cigarettes. I know this because he's asked me for both. Now, I pull up to the light and roll up my window. This guy, in my opinion, is just bumming for the sake of bumming (I of course could be wrong...but...). He is not the type of person I am talking about.
The person I am talking about usually has a coat on, and a suitcase beside him. (I will say him in the general sense meaning him/her. Trying to be politically correct here.) Sometimes he will have his dog beside him, and I always feel bad for the dog. Invariably he will have a sign made of cardboard with the "reason" he is on the corner scrawled in marker in what looks like child's writing. Sometimes it will say "homeless and hungry". Some others are "laid off can't work", "if you can't give, pray for me", or the very simple, "please help". Some of the people look like they've been through hard times. They look dirty and tired, and their clothes are tattered. Even their sign is tattered sometimes. I feel sorry for them, but I still don't give. Why?
Because for every one of the legitimate down-and-outers you see, there is most likely one who is only pretending to be down-and-out.
I think I saw one of these the other day. She was at the corner of one of the major department stores, squatting down, with the cardboard in front of her eyes to keep out the sun. The sign said "even a penny helps. please pray for me". I stopped at the light and I had time to look at her. Her hair was clean, her jeans were clean, her shoes looked clean, she had on a clean shirt and a nice little gym bag on the ground beside her. Even the cardboard looked new. And I wondered...does she really need help? There have been others too..and unfortunately there is no time to stop and ask these people exactly why they are there, and to try to get to the truth. Are they needy or not?
Now, before you think I'm just being downright mean, let me say that there was a time when I was out of work, not homeless but nearly so, and I used to pick up Coke bottles to turn in for the deposit to get cigarettes and maybe a hamburger from McDonalds. I was not above holding my hand out to people and asking, "spare change?" I even ate part of a Gaines Burger once (that's dog food for those of you who don't know). It was either that or braunschweiger sausage, and even starving I wouldn't eat that! So I know what it's like. I also know what it's like to get tired of it and slink back to McDonalds with my tail between my legs and ask for my job back. Or any job. I know there aren't a lot of jobs out there right now. I am hanging on to mine for dear life, even though I can barely make the rent most months. I work hard for what little money I get, and if I have spare change, how can I be sure that my "investment" in that guy on the corner isn't contributing to a large tax-free income? Seriously!
If you are interested, go to a search engine sometime and type in "begging for a living". You will find information on there about people who make up to $50,000 a year just begging on the street corners. That's enough to give one pause.
This man who asks for help has enough gumption to go stand on the corner for hours at a time, in all kinds of weather, you wonder...if he walked from store to store to store asking, wouldn't one of them give him a job? I don't know..
And that's what I'm saying...how can you be sure? I suppose I could just give each one a nickel or a dime, since "even a penny helps", but I wonder, what happens to me?
Am I being selfish? Greedy? Not allowing myself to reap the blessings of giving away money? I don't know. All I know is that right now it is Tuesday. My gas tank is nearly empty, and I don't get paid til Friday. I have $3 and change in my car ashtray. I will need that change, because gas is so expensive and even that probably will just barely get me through till Friday morning.
I honestly don't know. And I honestly want opinions about this. I don't look at these people with disdain, or look down on them. Maybe I'm too lazy to have a job like theirs. I don't know if I could stand on the street corner like that or not. I look at them and wonder, and wish I had more time to talk to them, and pray for them if they ask for it, and pray that I may never be in the situation to find out what they are going through.
There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

3 weeks down

Well, here I am! 3 weeks and not one cigarette! I really can't believe that I've made it without cheating myself one time. It's kind of interesting. I found that the only time I really really miss it is when I get in the car to drive home from work. So I have little paper straws to hold and that makes me feel better. I'm going to a party next Saturday, and I will be drinking some wine, I'm sure, so I'm hoping that I will be able to get through that without smoking. I have friends who have said they will support me. Whether that means not letting me smoke that night, or making sure I don't continue to smoke afterward...well, either way is fine with me. Thing is, I can breathe now. I smelled my perfume an hour after I put it on for the first time since I don't know when. I do have weird dreams...that's the Chantix..plus I always had weird dreams anyway. But I found that I have time now to do things around the house that would've been put off because I would've been smoking. Something that my support group (Chantix support group) says is..if it takes you 6 minutes to smoke one cigarette, and you smoke a pack a day, that's 2 HOURS you have spent in a day smoking! That was amazing to me.

Anyway, I'm doing great, got new shoes so I can walk better, started eating better, my house is coming together. It's great!

I'm still lonely, though..lol..had to throw that in there. But I'm a lot more comfortable than I was before. I suppose eventually I'll get over being lonely. Right now, I'm trying to learn to like being with myself. Trying to get my shit together before I'm too old to have any shit!

It's sad that we don't allow ourselves to enjoy the good things in our lives because we are afraid of the bad things that "might" happen. Don't know if that's Christian teaching or Murphy's law or what. But it is nice to pat myself on the back today and say...I did it! I'm going to try to keep my chins up and look forward to good things, and pray that they will come to not just me, but to my family and friends as well. I couldn't have come this far without you and I love you all!

Now, off to another week of work, and another week of not smoking..and maybe lose a pound or two! It really is a mindset..but oh so hard to get to... I have some words of wisdom spoken by that great prophet Anthony DiNozzo on NCIS:

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

Do something different today!

It's twins!!

No...no kids...but more patio furniture! LOL. A friend of mine is moving, and she gave me 2 more chairs and a table! I have room for a cookout now! Only thing is, gotta get some people over here to join me! Amazing. I didn't think I'd be really thankful that I didn't get that fancy schmancy patio set, but I really am now. It just goes to show that there are things that we need/want that eventually find their way to us in their own time. I need to remember that. So if you are ever discouraged because things don't seem to go right, or they are coming along really slowly...just remember the saga of Patty O'Furniture. BELIEVE!!!

The Saga of Patty O'Furniture continues....

A while back, I wrote how I had tried and failed to purchase a patio set for my deck. I have thoroughly enjoyed having a nice vacuum cleaner. "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D sucked big time, but Jensen Ackles is always nice to look at so it's got that going for it!

I had a party about a month ago. There were a lot of people here and there wasn't much of a place to sit, but we managed. Well..we won't have to "manage" as much anymore!

I am now the proud owner of this very PLASTIC (i.e. NON-breakable!) patio set. Now, I know it's not such an awesome thing to some, but the way it came to be on my deck, well, that's what the saga is allllll about...pull up a plastic chair and listen..

Yesterday I got paid. You know how I feel about payday..love/hate...money/broke...same story. This payday was nothing different. I went to the local Family Dollar store to purchase the usual and sundry items we can't live without, toilet paper, cat food, anti-freeze (another saga there!). I was pretty much finished with my shopping and walking down the aisle to check out, and there it was! A box! A box with little round plastic, umbrella-ready tables! Right beside it was a box with umbrellas in it! And on top of them both...the magic words...30% OFF!

If I had been in a car, my tires would've screeched I stopped so fast! To make it short, (too late..lol) I walked out of the Dollar store after having spent a total of $25.20 for a table and an umbrella! I was ecstatic! No, I didn't have any chairs, but that was ok. I knew that eventually I would be able to get some.

So, this morning I was on my way to the store and I drove past a yard sale. Sitting in the yard was a stack of 4 resin chairs. They screamed my name as I drove by, and even though I didn't screech my tires, I turned around as quickly as I could and went back. When I asked the lady how much she wanted for them (after deciding in my head I would pay $20 for them all) she said $2.00. I said $2.00 each? She said no, $2.00 for all of them! I asked her to hang on to them and told her I would be back with the cash in a little while. As I was driving I happened to think of the $2.00 bill in my wallet. Now, I do need to tell you the story of the $2.00 bill...

I was once caught in straight line winds at the local gas station where my daughter worked. It was pretty scary. As the manager herded us all into the back room, there was this little old lady who was scared of the storm. Once it passed, I went and got us some coffee and just sat with her for a while. When we got ready to leave, she took out this $2.00 bill and said she had had it in her wallet for 9 years and it had brought her good luck and she gave it to me for helping her. In the past 3 years since I've had that bill, things have started looking up for me and my girl, and I had begun to think that it was time for someone else to have the bill. How much more perfect could it be to pay for a miraculous stack of chairs with a miraculous bill!

So I told the ladies at the yard sale the story of the patio furniture and the little old lady and they took the bill. I don't know what they will do with it, I hope they will have good luck and pay it forward. But that is how I came into possession of the 4 chairs. They are sturdy, and comfortable, dirty..lol..and they are awesome.

The only thing that was left was an umbrella stand. Coffee can and rocks is what I was thinking, but I went to Lowes anyway. They had ONE umbrella stand left. It was plastic. It was the same color as my table. It was $3.99. SOLD! Add to that one 50 pound bag of sand, (2.99) and Voila!

The patio set you see above. I love it! Total spent...around $35.00, not $350.00 like the glass one that would've broken by now, I am certain of it.

So now I can have a party with my head held high... I have finally found my Patty O'Furniture, and we are going to live happily ever after!

The moral of this Saga (including the first installment) is: When God closes a door, He opens a window. Amen!

Let's do the Time Warp again!!!!

Ok, is it just me, or is time just flying by? Used to, work days dragged on and on. Now they are going almost as quickly as the weekends. What's up with that? I don't think it's just getting older. Even my 25 year old daughter says time flies. Now at work, where things are hectic and stressful, the time just goes on by. My sister sends me an email saying the clock has stopped, and yet it still is only a few minutes and it's time to go home. Once I get home...forget it...it's time for bed! I don't understand it. Weekends? They used to last a long time...well, a longer time... and now they are just zoom zoom and back to Monday to do it all over again. SSDD...ad infinitum...Pay days are the worst! Two weeks with no money, then I pay the bills, go to the store, get gas in the car and wonder where the money went. On Saturday, I'm back to square one. I might have a little bit left to get a little something, but not much. But that's ok...payday will be here again in about ...15 minutes.

I wonder if it is living in the present that makes me this way now. I try really really hard to not dwell on past mistakes, or even past triumphs. Seems like reality is in another dimension or something. I do spend a lot of time watching movies...but that's still just a couple of hours out of the day. I don't know.

But as time rolls on, I'm happy to be in a situation where it's not dragging by day after day after day with no hope for anything better tomorrow. (that was my marriage...yuk yuk)

I saw a saying the other day, "Normal Day, let me be aware of the treasure you are." I got to thinking about that, and I thought...how many people are facing horrific things on this day that is so normal for me? How many would give anything just to have to get up and drive 30 min to work? How many of them are crying over marriages that are falling apart, or the death of someone precious to them? Stuck in a situation that seems hopeless..no way out? How many are addicted and don't know how to stop? Without becoming too maudlin, I remember what it was like to be in those situations. How long the days seemed to be when there was no life but parties and long lonely nights and a bleak future.

*shiver*

I guess what I'm trying to say is this...I'm thankful for my normal days because there is always an abnormal day lurking somewhere in the future for us all. The time is flying because I have been blessed with normal days for now. It's all relative, Einstein.

So, let's get out of the car and walk up the road to the castle. I think the dancing has begun..

Let's do the Time Warp again!

Good Times!

I have so many things in my life I'm thankful for. One is that I have the freedom to end a sentence with a preposition. hehehe..
Even though there are also so many things to worry about, especially since our country seems to be on the verge of revolution, but I find that I am content. Not that I don't care, but maybe it's just that...at the age of 54 I am finally coming into my own. I finally have a house that I love, my daughter is now on her own and seems to be doing well, and I have friends. My brother and sister are my friends, too, and sometimes that's a rare thing in this day and age. So every morning while I'm driving to work, I thank God that I have another day to live and love and laugh. Maybe it's naive, stupid, whatever, but it's what I do.
Last night, I threw a party and there were 15-20 people here...I didn't get a good count...but we all had a great time, and I felt the LOVE....lol. There are some people who didn't come that I wish would have, and some who couldn't come that I wish could have, but my daughter and some of her friends were here, my best friend and some of her family were here, friends from work, and it was just awesome to me. Some of the dreams I had for this house have come true.
No, I don't make a lot of money still, I don't have much in the way of "things" and I do live in a country where there is turmoil. But I can go thru my days knowing that someone out there has my back, and ultimately God has my back. So, I'm going to try my best to not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself. Today, and in my memories, Let the Good Times Roll......

Lasagna for Dinner!

I guess about my favorite thing that I make is my Lasagna. I found a recipe about 15 years ago in the good ol' Betty Crocker Cookbook, but I've since made enough adjustments so that I can truly call it "MY" lasagna. In fact, I usually don't measure stuff, so this was weird! I love lasagna cause it makes this big pan and you can have it for dinner, lunch the next couple of days, midnight snacks, take some to work for friends....whatever! And it just always turns out good. Put some spinach in it if you need veggies, or have veggies with my cheese dip. Now the story of the cheese dip is this...there is a restaurant in ..well maybe I'd better not say...anyway, SUPPOSEDLY, one of the employees let slip to a friend of a friend of mine the "secret" recipe for their cheese dip, who let it slip to me. For a really long time, I didn't share it, but now...oh well... I can't see a restaurant really making the dip this way, although you never know. I have included that recipe as well, cause it's really good. Also, here is a picture of the actual lasagna and cheese dip I made tonight, just to tempt you. So, without further ado.....bon appetit!

Here is my Lasagna recipe:

1 lb of Italian Sausage, crumbled

1/2 onion, diced

1/2 green pepper, diced

Brown these all together, drain if necessary, then add:

2 cans diced tomatoes (15 oz)

1 can tomato paste (small)

1 tomato paste can of water

1 tbsp Italian seasoning

1 tbsp parsley

1 tsp basil

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp garlic powder

stir it all up, turn heat to low, cover and let simmer for about 1/2 hour.

Meanwhile, mix:

1 lb ricotta cheese

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

1 tbsp oregano

1 egg

put the layers together in a 13 x 9 pan sprayed with cooking spray

Like so:

• lasagna noodles cooked al dente and drained (cook 9, use 3 at a time)


• sauce


• ricotta cheese mixture


• mozzarella cheese (lots of it! I use about 4 1/2 cups total)

repeat,

end with noodles, sauce and mozzarella on top

Cover with foil, bake at 450 for 15 min then turn down to 350 for 45 min. I take the foil off for the last 10 min to let the cheese get brown and bubbly.

Let stand for about 5 min, if you can wait, then serve.

YUM!

Cheese Dip for Veggies

This is awesome with Italian food, or just any old time!

2 packages Kraft Mac & Cheese (Kraft is the best)

2 bars of cream cheese

garlic powder to taste, I use about 1/4 tsp

soften the cream cheese*

put about a tablespoon of water in a bowl and mix in the garlic powder and the cheese sauce powder from the Mac & Cheese. Make a necklace out of the macaroni, if desired!

Mix till smooth and then add the softened cream cheese.

Smoosh it all around and mix really well. Put in fridge overnight. Eat with favorite veggies.

Try to not eat too much!

*I have used the soft cream cheese before. It's easier, but it's just not as good.

The Sad Saga of Patty O'Furniture

Once upon a time in a very nice house in Indiana, there lived a woman who had a deck on her house for the first time....
Ok, that's how it would start if I was writing a fairy tale, but, alas, this is a true story. About 2 months ago, Aldi had a patio table & chairs and a glider for sale. The total for both of them was $300. I was talking to my sister about them, and she talked to mom, and, well, they decided to help me to get them. They paid half on it. So, knowing that the money was coming, I went to Aldi and, of course, none of them had any of either in stock. I was frustrated, but my daughter and I decided to check out Kmart down the road. We found a patio set that was absolutely FABULOUS. And it was the right price, but on sale. But of course, I only had half the money I needed right then, so we decided to leave.
On the way out, we spied a pizza place in the store and decided to have some pizza. While we were waiting, my daughter looked over and saw a sign that said "LAYAWAY"! Well, who in the world has layaway anymore???? So we took that as a sign and put the whole patio set on layaway!
Ohhh...sooo excited. I showed the picture from the website to anyone who would look, and faithfully showed up at Kmart every other week to make my payment on the furniture. Finally, my last payment was due this past Friday, and it was time to bring the furniture home!!! I could hardly wait to go get it. My daughter came home from work, we cleaned out the trunk of my car and took off to Kmart.
We walked back to Layaway (why is it always in the very back of the store??) and waited in line for about half an hour, made the payment, and then waited another 15 min while the stock guy went in search of our furniture.
Then...it happened. Andrew (the layaway guy) came walking up and said that they had lost my umbrella...ella...ella...hey hey..pffft... There wasn't one in patio and there wasn't one in the back. So, trying to not be discouraged, I got the money back for the umbrella. We took the rest of the furniture out to the car, and it didn't fit. The stock guy said that he wouldn't recommend us putting it in the trunk or even trying to put it in the car, because it was glass and might break. I didn't know what to do, but decided to just get the money back for the rest, and go look elsewhere.
So, on Saturday, I went off on the Great Patio Furniture Hunt. I found a set, and it was beautiful! I made sure to ask if it was in stock and the guy said oh yes. I paid for it, same price too, and told him I would pick it up as soon as I could get help. This morning, my daughter and I went in to the store to get the furniture. The manager came up to me and when I told him what I was there for, he said that when they went to get the table from the back, there wasn't one. So they were going to give me the display table. It was dropped, the glass broke. I couldn't believe it! He said that his manager was going to go get another one tomorrow and I could get it, but you know....my daughter and I were thinking about it and it just suddenly didn't feel right. It was like it was a sign or something...not supposed to have one...I don't know. But I got my money back from there too.
I went shopping again tonight, I hate shopping, but third time's a charm, right? WRONG!
I got a vacuum cleaner and "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D.
I know a sign when I see one.

Another Day in Paradise!

Well, I don't know if Indiana is paradise or not, but it's been a pretty good day. I've not been feeling the best. Trying to fight off the blahs that come from still having pain from my stupid falling on Memorial Day. But I keep trying. I've got the gardening bug now. I want so bad to get out and dig in the dirt, but can still only do a little at a time. I do it anyway. My petunias are beautiful, my pansies...welll...they died.. too much water, not enough drainage, I believe. Live and learn, I guess.. My tomato plant is in a coffee can and has grown to 3 feet. I think it's time to transplant! And a friend gave me a rosebush. A climbing rosebush with the very appropriate name "Stairway to Heaven". It is still in a pot, and growing like crazy. The roses will be red. I've never had a rosebush before. It's a little daunting, and I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about how to make it grow into the thing of beauty I just KNOW it's going to be!
I have one more payment on my patio table set, and I'm really really excited about having a cookout and sitting around playing cards afterwards under my new umbrella, ella, ella... So things are going pretty well. Just maintaining my sanity and trying to remember to BEND my knee when I walk, so I don't limp. It'll be better. Doc said it would take about 4 weeks to get back to where I was before I fell, so this is week 2 starting today.
I'm getting ready to start making Christmas stockings, so if there are any orders, now is the time!
So, ttfn from Paradise...if you pack your bags you can leave tonight! See you at the cookout!