This is a test... of Murphy's Law!

Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

This statement is one that I really try to not invoke. I believe in thinking postively as long as possible. But there are days where things are so messed up that it has to be dubbed a "Murphy" day. There's even a website about it http://www.murphys-laws.com/. Check it out.
Well, today was one of those days. I know that there were many other things that could've gone wrong, and I am so thankful that they didn't. But even so, it was a frustrating day!
I was expecting my to-your-door mechanic to come by last night and replace the ignition pack on my car. He was unable to do so, but we set up for him to come by today. I was so excited about being able to drive again, I was almost happy to be going to work! He replaced the ignition pack, which was totally melted by the way, and tried to start the car. It didn't start. He said that it needed a tune-up and that was probably what caused the ignition pack to melt in the first place. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to work on that this morning. It was around 10:30, and he had to be at work at noon. By the time he got everything all put away, it was 11:00. He said he would take me to his house and his sister (who didnt have to work until 2) would take me the rest of the way to work. Fortunately, he called her and she said she also had to be at work at noon. So we are hanging halfway out into the street at this time, with cars honking, and I'm saying never mind, I'll call my daughter. See, she had told me last night that she had to be at work at 2:30 today. So I called her. She didn't answer, but then she called me back....from work. Turns out she had to be there at 10:30. Everybody else was already at work, of course, so I called in and told them I wouldn't be there.
Meanwhile, I called the maintenance man about the plumbing. Seems the toilet has been rocking quite a bit, and lately when it is flushed, you can kinda, well...hear it in the pipes. He came in, flushed the toilet. Nothing. I said...I don't believe this. So, I rocked the toilet, then flushed it. Overflow. Water everywhere. He plunged, it came up in the bathtub. Thank God it was only water! He left, promising to call Roto-rooter. I've not heard a thing since. That's all the information I will give except to say, he'd better show up tomorrow!
The thing is...I don't know...maybe I'm learning to deal with disappointment. Maybe I need to learn to assert myself more in these situations. But since I had to stay home, I wanted to clean the kitchen, wash dishes, do laundry, which are all things that use the drain. I wasn't able to do any of them. Of course, I also had to arrange for a ride to and from work tomorrow, which is no problem (I hope..) and my daughter had to come get me to take me to the gas station so I don't miss out on my 7000 bonus Speedy Reward points. Gotta have those priorities! So, see...it could've been much worse. I mean, the tub could've backed up when I was taking a shower...right?
But it's really kind of interesting. Although I am frustrated and just a little disgusted with people who don't return important phone calls JEFF, I feel surprisingly hopeful. Maybe all these things are getting over with at the first of the year. Maybe the rest of the year will be better. Maybe I have learned how to overcome Murphy's Law. We'll call it Karen's law... Anything that can go wrong MIGHT go wrong, but most times it's only SOME things. I think I like that better.

Light at the end of the tunnel....

Yes, indeed! Light! Light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully it's not a freight train coming my way (No Leaf Clover-Metallica)
Car problems, car problems! I hate them with a passion. A friend of mine told me they need to make a Karen-proof car, and I think she's right. I'm really hard on cars for some reason. Guess I should've called that college on tv so I could earn money doing what I love, and work with my hands. Wait...that would be crafting...oh well. So today a mechanic made a house call, and it looks like I'm not going to have to pay a fortune for car repairs. In fact, I'm going to be paying close to the same amount I would've squandered on a stupid pyramid scheme. Sis is gonna loan me the money til my tax check comes, so it's only a week or so til I have some freedom again. You would think my house would be spotless by now, but..well...I hate housework! I'm looking forward to the time I can have Rosie the Robot living in my house cleaning up behind me. So yaaaay for the car, and yaaay for my sister, and yaaay for tax refunds, and well...just yaaaay! lol
I don't understand why a city like Indianapolis would have such a lousy mass transit system. I know a few years ago they even removed some bus routes, so people have even less of a chance to get to where they need to go. I drive 14 miles to work every day. It's not that far, really. I know there are people who drive a lot further. But the thing is, there is no way to get there from here unless you drive a car! No bus, no train, no subway, no nothing. It's really sad because people are so big on reducing pollution, but they don't do anything to help! So, I have to have this car, and until I can afford a Beamer, she's gonna have to do. No car payments either, cause I am just barely making it as it is! Eventually I know I'll have to break down and get one, but hopefully I will have started making money selling my crafts online.
I'm rambling, but I'm just thankful for all the people who have helped me during this time. It's just awesome!

Happy New Year?

I have to say as I begin this post, that everything I said in my New Year's post is true. I still believe every last word. That is why it is so hard for me to admit that this New Year so far has not been good at all. In fact, I am suffering from some of the worst depression I've had in a long time. Not exactly sure why, but I am trying to put my finger on it.
I started out the year with car trouble. Car trouble always sucks, but when it's below zero wind chills outside and I have to rely on others to get me to and from work, then it gets stressful. I was so stressed out all week that today I didn't go to work. I wasn't sick...physically, anyway...but I just knew somehow that even though my car would most likely start, I needed to stay home. I woke up and called in to work, sat down on the couch and proceeded to sleep (sitting up!) until 1:15 when my sister called to make sure I was alive. Thank God she called or I might still be sitting there snoozing even now. (12 hours later)
Hopefully, there won't be repercussions from my being out today. If there are, I am willing to accept that. Because I think I figured out something.
I don't know how to live without being in pain! For the past 7 years or so, I have lived with this constant crippling arthritis pain in my knees. It has been my reason, and sometimes my excuse, to not do much of anything. Now, I don't have that pain. I have no reason to not do the things I need or want to do. I have spent the past couple of months sitting in front of this computer playing all manner of mindless games just like I did before. Not to say that there's anything wrong with playing games, but in my mind I'm still a cripple. I still tell myself I can't do things. This is a huge part of my problem, my depression. I need to tell myself I CAN do it! Having my knees replaced has turned my life around, yet I keep looking back. I cannot do that any more.
I have to start right now, today, doing things that are difficult. Doing the things that I used to put off because I hurt. I think over the years I just got lazy (er..)and now it's just a struggle to not be lazy anymore. I can do this. I know I can...I can actually reach my bootstraps now to pull myself up. Today is the day. Things are going to change, and I hope that in a few weeks, I will be able to post here that they have indeed changed. There are other things I have to deal with, of course. I don't like my job, I'm lonely, I don't make enough money. But these are things that will take care of themselves in the passage of time AFTER I learn to live with my new physical UNlimitations!
Keep pulling for me, friends!

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2010. I don't think that much is like the movie 2010, which is something for which we should be thankful. It's so funny...it's just another day, January 1. The sun rises just like it does every other day. The weather continues as it was on December 31. The bills that were supposed to be paid on December 28 are still due. Nothing really changes. Yet in my mind, it is like closing a finished book and putting it on the shelf. Then another book is opened, waiting to be explored. I asked a guy yesterday if he had a good Christmas and New Year. He shrugged and said, "It was just another day." And...he's right..it was just another day. So what makes January 1 so different? We do. We make it different. In the minds of those of us who choose to celebrate this "just another day", it is an official time to start over. Whether with resolutions or, as with most of the people I have talked to, a time to get rid of a not so great year and start a new, more promising one. I have made resolutions, but have decided to defy tradition and not start most of them til January 4. I am cheating! But one resolution that I have already begun is to be more positive about my life. I don't want to have a Pollyanna attitude by any means. But I've learned that what we think is what we are. So if I believe that I can make things different, then I can. It's the belief part that is difficult, though. Start small, I guess. Baby steps.
For instance, "I hate housework" has been my motto for years. My house, unfortunately, reflects that motto. My messy house, in turn, makes me feel depressed, which makes me feel bad about the rest of my life. Eventually I get to the point where I just ignore the mess, and just allow myself to get more and more depressed. Today I looked around and thought, I need for Neicy Nash to come see me!! I need to be on Clean House! I am happy that my house isn't THAT bad yet, but I made a vow this morning that I'm going to make my house back to a nice place. Me. Not Neicy and Matt and Mark and that whiney Trish...eek...Me. I am going to start small and do the things that need to be done. And I will do them for MYSELF. Not for anyone else. After all, I am the one who lives here. I have said for the past few months that it doesn't matter what it looks like because I am the only one who sees it. Well, am I not worth seeing a nice place? I deserve to have a nice place. I've worked hard to get it. So it's time. (I just realized, though, that instead of being in there cleaning, I'm in here writing...lol..oh well...)
So, my one resolution that I am beginning right now is to believe that I am deserving of good things. As with most good things, I will have to take the first step, and that is what I will do.
So, why do we celebrate a new year? Because it is an official opportunity to start over and make the life for ourselves that we want to have. It is the time when we decide to change our attitudes toward something that we have allowed to color our lives gray and dingy. Wipe away the soot from the windows and see the sunshine. It's very possible that the thing we have allowed to do this will still be around. Even so, our thoughts can change so that we aren't colored by this thing anymore. We can paint our own picture. Not Pollyanna by any means, and certainly not with feigned ignorance...but it is amazing the difference just one positive thought can make in a situation. One stand against the negative can make the next stand easier.
I know I will be tested on this. I will win some, I will fail some. I may not know what your situation is like. But that's the whole point. We each have to make the choice. I'm scared, believe me. I have things that I need to face that no one knows about, as do we all. I am afraid of the failure. But I'm tired of waking up every day and feeling like I'm worthless. I am NOT worthless. YOU are not worthless. If we all lived like we were worth something, would our world be better? I think it might.
My thought for the year:
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end. ~ Carl Bard

Let's make it a good year!

Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

It was a good Christmas. No snow really to speak of here in central Indiana. A slight dusting, enough to make the road a little slick, and the back porch a little icy, but other than that...definitely not a white Christmas.

For me, it has been a difficult season. My first season in 26 years where I didn't have my daughter home helping me decorate, watching It's a Wonderful Life with me, cooking Chicken Cordon Bleu (for the last couple of years!) with me. It's been strange. I almost didn't decorate past the village, but I realized that I needed to. I needed to have that Christmas spirit, even if it was only for myself. Why? Well, for one thing...I don't want to turn into a Scrooge. I haven't really lost my daughter. She has just grown up. It is as it should be. I raised her able to leave, and that's good. It's been lonely, but she is just a phone call or a visit to her work away. She still wants to see me, talk to me. She isn't mad at me, she is just..well...a grown up! She has begun making her new life for herself, and I am so proud of her I don't know what to do!

Part of my problem, of course, is that I didn't take any time to make sure that I grew up enough to live on my own. Sounds kinda funny, but it's really true. When your kid is running around and getting into things, you think they can't get out of the house fast enough. But my girl is a joy to be around and I guess I just never let myself think of her moving out. So weird. Makes me sound rather clingy, which I guess I have been. But I'm working on it. I don't want her to dread to see my name come up on her caller ID, or to make excuses to not come around. So, I give her the space she needs. I called her today just to say hello. She talked to me for a few minutes and my day was made! Now I can start taking down the Christmas things, and I can watch a couple more Christmas movies, and smile and sing while I do it. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that someone loves us. These moments have to be cherished. Life is fleeting, as is time.

Remember, each of us is someone's George Bailey. There would be an awful hole in their lives if we had never been born. This year, in addition to being YOUR George Bailey, maybe...I want to be MY George Bailey! I want to make MY life better by knowing myself.

So Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, and if it's not too bad to mix Wonderful Life with A Christmas Carol...God bless us all, every one!

Patty O'Furniture..again...

My readers will remember the Saga of the Patty O'Furniture. As you can see, everything happens for a reason! This picture shows my back yard after the gusty winds of a few nights ago. Every piece of furniture, including the swing, is now off the porch and on the ground. One thing you will notice, however, is that the table is still intact! Imagine how upsetting it would've been if I had been able to get that $300 glass patio set, only to find it smashed to smithereens in the back yard! Let this be a lesson! Follow those gut feelings...cause you just never know! =)

The Village--Part 2

Ok, so I decided to go ahead and set up the village. Here is a picture. It turned out beautifully, I think. So far, the cats have stayed off it, so I'm hopeful for the rest of the season. Took me 9 hours to get it all set up. After the devastation of the F5, I think it looks pretty darn good!

The Village

In 1999, one of the grouchiest ladies at the Library where I worked gave me a miniature house for my Christmas present. I was really excited about it for 2 reasons...one being that she didn't like too many people and I was one that she did like, and two...well, it was a miniature house! The lady that lived across the street from us at the time used to have her entire kitchen and the dividing bar area lined with little houses and people walking down the snow-covered streets...it was almost magical. Every year she would call us over to see her new building, and her new setup, and it would be more beautiful than the last one. So, I was excited, seeing as how I could now make a beautiful village to make the holiday season more festive.
The first year, I went out and bought 2, maybe 3, more buildings, and I had this little display and it was really pretty. But it just kept growing and growing, and every year I bought at least one more piece for The Village. For about 7 years, it was more elaborate and more beautiful every year. I loved it.
However, I haven't set up The Village in a couple of years now. No room in the last place, and last year I had just had surgery and everything was out in the garage. It just wasn't convenient, I guess.
So the other day, I went out to the garage and brought all the pieces up on to the front porch. I left them out there for a few days so the spiders could go find somewhere else to live.
Today, I went out and went through all the boxes and brought them all inside, ready to start setting up.
Well, as in any building project, the first thing you have to think about is location, location, location. I can't figure out where to locate The Village! No matter where I put it, I'm going to have to keep the cats out of it, or it will be like Fuzzy Godzillas vs. Charles Dickens. That's been a problem for years, though, and I got some sticky stuff to stick the little things to the table. That'll help.
So tonight, I thought, "I'm going to set it up on the dining room table and see what I have, and then I'll be able to better figure out where to put it."
The first thing I realized was that almost all of my skaters had either an arm, a leg, or a head missing. Out with the Super Glue! I was able to salvage three skaters. I was gluing the leg on a fourth, and ended up gluing the body to my middle finger! Three skaters is enough, huh? However, as I went through all the figures and the trees and tried to think of how to make a town out of them, I got really frustrated. I had to walk away...
Now, The Village is in tatters on the table. Broken bodies lie on the ground like jackstraws mixed in with gates, hedges, trees and lights. The train is off the track, and the tunnel face lies on its side, blocking the track. Only one or two buildings are standing. It is total devastation. See above picture! Instead of trying to pick up the pieces, I think maybe I will leave it.
This year's theme may be "F5 tornado devastes The Village".
I kinda like it!

Buenos Turkeys!

Coining a phrase there from my brother...Buenos turkeys! In English, that's, Happy Thanksgiving...just in case you didn't figure that one out!

Oh what a day this Thanksgiving has been! Got up late, got started late on cooking, made even later by the fact that I am TOTALLY addicted to a Facebook game called Farmville! There is nothing like growing your own coffee for fun and profit to make your life worthwhile!

Holidays are so strange. In fact, I'm getting ready now to watch an all-time classic holiday movie called "Home for the Holidays". My brother highly recommends it..I watched it once but it wasn't the holidays. I think maybe it'll come home to me a bit more now. The perfect dysfunctional family...what's the saying? We put the "fun" in "dysfunctional".

This Thanksgiving was a little stranger for me. For one, I had it at my daughter's house. She and her roommate cooked the turkey and the ham and lots of the fixins. Roomie's family brought a lot of other things to make the pitch-in complete. It was good food. So awesome to see my daughter as a grown up. Of course, afterward, she and her roommate painted eyeballs on their eyelids, which is in the picture above. My daughter is the one with the glowing yellow eyes...wow.. But it was really good fun. Kids!

The really strange thing about it is that on my way home, I got to thinking about Thanksgivings through the years. I remember ours when I was a kid. It was a great time of anticipation. Our grandparents would come down from TN and stay with us. Mema always...don't know if Bepa always came. But I remember Mema humming and cooking and bustling around the kitchen. The most wonderful woman .... wish I could be more like she was. I really miss her. But we would sit and eat too much, and then fall asleep in front of the TV with the football game on. Then of course Grandmother would come for a while and make everyone miserable, but after she left, it was usually ok.

I remember one year I spoke up at the table when we bowed our head to say grace, and said something about why did we always say it once a year when we never said it any other time. Never did quite understand that. Oh, I understand saying grace, but back then I didn't understand that just because you only speak in public to the Man Upstairs once a year, doesn't mean you don't talk to Him every single day of your life. I'm sorry, Daddy...I spoke out of turn. I was totally wrong to do that. It was never anything spectacular, but there was definitely love there, in spite of loud-mouthed teenagers like me.

I also found out that I really miss my ex-husband's family. We used to have such a great time on holidays. We would sit around and talk and then eat and then talk some more, and LAUUUUGH...so much.. then we would play games, then eat some more and talk some more, and then we would head home knowing that we had spent time with people who loved us, and people we loved. I remember one year, his sister had it at her house. I was helping wash the dishes and we were talking and laughing, and alllll these dishes kept coming through. Suddenly we realized we were washing tupperware that had had spaghetti in it. We heard hysterical laughing behind us, and turned around to find that they had taken advantage of our talking and had cleaned out the fridge! Good times.

One particularly memorable Thanksgiving, my sister fried a turkey. It didn't get done, got burned, and she finished cooking it in the oven. I can't find the picture, but it looked like we had dog for dinner. It tasted pretty good, though! Good visit. Good times.

One year, my daughter and I boarded a Greyhound and traveled 21 hours to Virginia to visit my brother and his family for Thanksgiving. That was a great trip. I hope to never do the bus thing again, but it was a good visit, good times too.

A few years ago, my sister and my mom came up here for Thanksgiving. My daughter and I cooked the first Thanksgiving dinner I had ever cooked in my life. Everything was really good. I think it might have snowed, too. Yes, again, good times.

And there is my own daughter. So proud of her. Still happy to be around me. But I left early because I know she is on her own now, and I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I was still the last one to leave, but I did help clean up! But I know she loves me, and I know her roommate loves me, and it was a good day. I pray that she will never dread me coming over, and that I may always have the wisdom to stay out of the way while she's cooking, but always help clean up.

Maybe next year I'll bring the Charades.

Just passing through...

Hi! I'm just stopping in to say hello! Today is day 42 of my quitting smoking. I've slipped a couple of times, but I know that I'm done with them. Alcohol lowers the resistance, I've noticed, but as long as I don't go out and buy any and start up again, I'm cool with that. I'm not a saint, ya know???

Anyway, life is boogie-ing on by as usual. We are 2 months away from freakin CHRISTMAS!! I can tell you right now, lots of people will be having Christmas in July from me, cause there ain't no way I'm gonna get all the stuff done I want to do.

Of course, Halloween is here and TV is totally filled with all my favorite stuff. Ghost Hunters here, Ghost Adventures there, Paranormal this and Haunted that...

My brother and sister will laugh and be happy to tell you how funny it is that I like all this spooky stuff since they, 1) had to call my mom and dad to come get me from the theater when they took me to see Phantom of the Opera, and 2) watched as I jumped up and knocked my TV tray over when the invisible man started returning and all his veins showed up.

Yes, I was a wuss. Not any more...the scarier and ghostier the better. Thing is...that kind of stuff doesn't bother me now. Stuff like 48 hours and Forensic Files..that bothers me...cause there are weirdos out there, ya know??

Oh well, anyway.....I am hanging in there, battling the melancholy that fall always brings. Such a beautiful, bittersweet time of year. Hope you are hanging in there as well!