What happened to internet chatrooms?

I watched "You've Got Mail" the other night. I love that movie, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It always makes me a little nostalgic, though. It is based on the early days of chat, meeting people online, most of whom could spell the word "you" instead of just putting "u". (Obviously a pet peeve of mine..lol) But I will get to that in a moment...
When I began my journey on the internet, most people were in the same position I was. It was new, different. It was 1996 and I was looking for something to fill my lonely nights while my ex was ...well, filling HIS nights. Anyway, I found a chat room through one of the few internet providers in Indiana, and immediately was hooked. Everyone had "handles" instead of names, well, except me...I was Karen and that was that! But we became friends. We talked to each other, had "virtual parties", even met Mr or Ms Right several times. But the main thing was, there was conversation. Current events, sex, advice, and just plain "chillin" were going on in that chatroom 24/7...well, maybe not every night. Most of us were grownups with jobs and families, but we were friends. In fact, I met my best friend in that chatroom. We've been friends for 13 years, we work together, and I can't say that I have another friend in the world that I've been friends with for that long. The reason? We got to know each other by communicating. She met her husband in that chatroom. It was an awesome time. There were no pictures. Most of us didn't have a clue what we were doing. But the prospect (at least to me) of having friends all over the state was just an enormous boost to my morale. We even got together for meetings at a centrally located restaurant, and had parties at our houses. It was great!
Fast forward to 2008...would say 2009, but I haven't bothered this year...
If you want to find a chat room like the one I've described, you have to pay for the privilege of using it. Most of the time they are attached to some sort of matchmaking system, and I'll be quite honest with you....I'm not going to pay $200 a year to be rejected when I can be rejected for free! I've toyed with the idea of re-joining a site that used to be free, just to be able to chat like that again, but unfortunately my finances don't allow that right now.
So, if you don't pay for the privilege of being matched and then being able to actually talk to your matches, you are SOL. So, I have tried public chatrooms, such as Yahoo, and here is what you see when you get into one of those:

Karen: Hello Room!
mrbigdong: hey a/s/l (age, sex, location)
letsdoit: hi karen, wanna f***?
brandy: SEE MY DIRTY PICTURES AT www..... (whatever)

Then you will almost immediately get some kind of instant message asking the same questions and if you DO end up with someone actually wanting to talk, they can't speak in complete sentences, or they will talk to you for an hour and then want to get together to f***. It's really really sad. I even went into a game room once that had chatting, and was waiting for a partner to play Cribbage, someone joined the table and started in on all this stuff, and when I said I was there to play Cribbage, he left the conversation. I was amazed.

Anyway, I know things change, but when I watch that movie, I remember that feeling that somewhere out there, just a few clicks and words away is someone I might be able to connect with. Someone I can talk to and get to know without paying a fortune, without having to fight off the predators. Surely there is... As Meg Ryan says in the movie, just the possibility of being in love....

So, what was once a social network for me has again become a solitary way to pass the time. I long for those "olden days" but I know they are gone for good.

However, I might try again....I could use a good laugh.

Vacation's almost over...*sigh*

What a shame to have to have surgery to have a vacation. But it's been a good time for me. I have killed two birds with one stone! I have,of course, this brand new knee and a new lease on life with that.But I also have had the opportunity to get used to being by myself. My daughter has been going through some things of her own, not to mention she works all the time, so she hasn't been as "available" as she wanted to. Of course, she was here the first week, but after that, I pretty much had to be on my own. I'll admit, I nearly went crazy a couple of times, just because I was bored silly. I called her one day and had her come by on her way home from work to just give me a hug! lol. She was happy to oblige.
Mostly, though, I've been here by myself. It has given me the chance to look at my life and the direction I want it to go. I don't know that I'll ever be much of a social butterfly, but at least when I'm here by myself (after I heal up a little more), I'll be able to do some projects that I've put off for so long.
Making a quilt for my bed
Making bunny rabbits to sell (cloth ones, not furry ones!)
Painting, drawing, generally letting the artistic side of me flooooooow...

There will be no reason to be bored. And if I get the chance to get out sometimes, well that's a bonus! I don't think I'll be looking for a man any time soon. I need to get to know myself a little better. My ex-husband's mother got remarried at the tender age of 65, so there is time....barring the proverbial bus accident, of course.

So now I am thinking of going back to work. Starting to get my clothes together so they can be washed and ready. I drove yesterday and it went great, so that's not going to be a problem. My doctor's appointment is Monday and he will give me the go-ahead to go to my sit-down job, I'm sure. I'm off the pain meds, finished with physical therapy...time to rejoin the human race. I know my boss will be thrilled since she has had to do my job for the past 5 weeks on top of her own. Besides, they miss me..lol

Life should be different now. Not clouded by pain, not everything I do or want to do weighed against how much it will hurt. No excuses. Wow...send me back! lol Look out world! Here I come!

Should've seen it coming...

I KNEW IT!!! I should've seen this coming a mile away, but denial isn't just a river in Egypt, baby! I knew I needed a nap. Have had a nap every day for one blissful hour for the past 3 weeks. But not today. Today my nap was wonderfully interrupted by my daughter the cook. She came armed with chicken and ribs and steak and all kinds of other delicious food. So I helped her, of course. I chopped onions, peppers, husked corn, and basically acted like a normal human being. Pretty soon the house (and the whole street, from what I was told) was filled with the aroma of shish kebobs and corn and just general YUM! We started at 2:00, and around 6 hours later we finally ate. Why did we wait so long? Well, there were friends involved. My daughter's friends who were here and then left and then came back. We waited on them, cause we are nice folks, right? yes we are. Finally had to eat something, and oh my goodness it was deeeeeelishus!
Now the problem, after the food we all sat around and talked till my daughter left at 11:30. By then I was exhausted, my knee hurt, my back hurt, and I realized that I hadn't had a piece of ice on my leg for probably 12 hours. So now it's 3AM and I can't sleep. Aching and stressing because I'm aching....I hate being up at night with pain. Where's the morphine pump when ya need it huh?
So I'm miserable physically, but my heart is light because my daughter was here with her friends, and we shared a wonderful time together to celebrate Easter one day late.
My PT guy would be not so happy with me, and yes, I should've seen it coming a mile away. But it was worth every minute and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Better every day

Oh boy am I hurting! lol However, it is a really good hurting, if you know what I mean. Yesterday my daughter took me to Walmart. She helped me down the couple of steps at the house, brought me out a little riding cart when we got there, and for over an hour (and $119.00) I tore up the aisles at Wally world! Oh what a wonderful time! The walls had begun to close in on me, and I swear, I can't believe how much I pay for the joke of Cable TV! But I got some easy to fix food, and some fruit and stuff and now I feel able to face the next couple of weeks stuck in the house. Monday is the exception, I get to go out and see the doctor and get these damnable staples out of my leg! I'm beginning to feel like a zipper. It will be great to get them out.

Of course, last night, I couldn't sleep, I was in a great deal of pain and almost regretting going out at all. But the good totally outweighs the bad. Makes me think of how much freedom I will have once this knee heals. I won't hurt anymore...at least not like I have. What a thought!

I can't wait to dance the Electric Slide again.

There is actually sunshine in Indiana today. I might make it out to the porch this afternoon and enjoy a little of the fresh air. Some of the trees are blooming already and spring is definitely on its way. My heart is filled with hope for the future, despite the downturn in the economy and other things happening that are beyond my control. I'm determined to keep a good thought and believe that all will come out right in the end.

14 days post op

I lived! I made it through the surgery and fought my way to near sanity and now am enduring the post operative joy of constant aching and physical therapy! Hooray for me!
Actually things have been pretty good. Yesterday was a bad day...maybe because it was the 13th day? Don't know if I really believe all that, but I was depressed and feeling really helpless. Today is better, even though it's one of those wonderful dreary Indiana days where the sun doesn't shine and it won't rain. Like Narnia...always winter, never Christmas.
So, what does it feel like to suddenly have the possibility of making my life better? Making it everything I've always dreamed of? Scary as hell, that's how it feels! It's like quitting smoking and getting hit by a bus. What if I have gone through this and then I have a heart attack? What if I try to make my life better and it stays the same? So many things can go wrong...but then again, so many things can go right too. In my upbringing, I think I was taught to look at the half-empty glass. I try to look at the half-full glass, but more and more I'm just thankful I have a glass at all.
So, I'm trying to just get my act together, and trying to be patient because there are things I want to do but still can't. Now I'm going to go put my leg up and watch Harry Potter for the Umpteenth time. More to come!

Time has come today...er...tomorrow...

Doing much better today. Yesterday (and most of today) was like a lesson in steel-will. I will NOT smoke, I will NOT cry, I will NOT get anything done because all I can think of is the things I can NOT do! lol
oh well. Tomorrow is D-day, or S-day or SSDD...no..not that!...Surgery day. This poor soul and the two ladies taking care of me are going to have to drag our butts out of bed at 5:00 AM and get to the hospital by 6, where they will fill me full of all kinds of drugs, mark on my leg, ask me my name 50 times and then knock me out and make me bionic! *fanfare please*
I'm nervous about it, but I'm ok, ya know? Like I've said, I've been through it before and everything is great. If it's even half as good as the one I've had done already, it will be better than now. I didn't realize how much pain I used to be in. BOTH my knees used to feel like this!!!
Ok, so I bid my faithful few readers adieu for at least 2 weeks. I shall return.

Sunday....

Here it is...Sunday...I'm at two days now, my arthritis medicine has worn off completely, I haven't had a cigarette since yesterday at noon. Maybe I really shouldn't even talk right now.
I'm hanging in there, let's just leave it at that! Happy Sunday!

4 days to blastoff!

It's Thursday. I have 2 more days to work, 2 weekend days to get everything together, and then it's time for a new knee! This is the second one, so I guess I haven't been too upset about it. But today when I was driving home from work, I started thinking about how it would be to try to drive. (It's my right knee...thank God for automatic trannys!) That got me thinking about all the things leading up to the actual surgery, and all of a sudden I was scared shitless.
I had one of those heart-stopping moments that made me realize how things can always go wrong, and what about my daughter, and what have I left this world to remember me by?
I have paintings that will be finally famous, a book that will be published partially finished, poems that have been rejected that will be compiled into a bunch of Hallmark cards.
Not really a good thing to think about I guess, but maybe it is. After all, it does happen to us all eventually. And I want to see the fruits of my labors. So my New Year's resolution...3 months late...is that once I'm healed up, I am going to start figuring out how to get my stuff out there. Maybe I'll publish that book. Or maybe I'll just put it here on this blog. Someone will read it. If people who read it enjoy it...isn't that the whole point? Sure, I'd like to make money from it, but hey...it's tough out there for authors. Although I know what I've written is better than some of the crap I've read!
And my paintings....they are really really good. I've sold some... and someday that person will be able to say, oh yeah, I've got 6 originals, they are worth $100,000 a piece. Now that is a nice thought.
We all want to leave our mark on this world. We have kids and hope that they have better lives than we did. We do all we can but eventually they are on their own and make their own choices. They are ours, but they are not ours forever.
The words I put on paper or on here are mine. Even if someone steals them, they are still mine. The paintings I do, the drawings, they are mine. My heart and soul put down on paper for all to see. These things are me.
Sometime maybe I'll get some of the paintings posted on here. I took pictures, ya know? Then the reader may judge for himself. Till then..let's all look inside and think...
I have a life-changing event happening to me in 5 days. What will I do with my life on day 6 to make it happier, to make it mine? Will I carry on in the same-shit-different-day life I live now, or will I start taking steps to change my little corner of the world?
As for me, I have my art stuff ready and my fingers limbered up.
I'm gonna rock my own world!

COUNTDOWN!

Friday, March 6,2009
Don't know if it's a day that will live in infamy, but it's the countdown to March 17, which is the day I get my right knee replaced. I'm really excited about it. Trying to get things done around the house that will make life easier when I'm a gimp! Since I've already had the surgery once on the other leg, I know what to expect. I know it's gonna hurt like hell, and the drugs will be really good so I won't care. I also know that 5 or 6 months from now I will feel like a new person!
So here I am, going along anticipating surgery like it was a trip to the Bahamas. I WILL have 6 weeks off work, so that's a good thing..really sad to have to have surgery to get a vacay! But it's all good.

I'm doing pretty well on my own in my empty nest. I kinda like it, but I still don't seem to know what to do with myself. Tonight I am rearranging the living room furniture, and who knows what I'll do tomorrow? I guess whatever I want!

Beautiful day here in Indianapolis. The cats are enjoying the front porch, I'm enjoying the fresh air blowing through the house. Maybe spring is actually on its way. Although we usually get one more good snow and/or ice storm before winter finally gives up the ghost and lets spring ...well, spring!

Empty Nesting, continued (just a little...)

I went to my daughter's "crib" last night. She and her roommate were so excited for me to go over there, and I'm really glad I did! It took me 20 minutes to get there, and I had to walk up 15 or so stairs on my bum knees but it was well worth the effort. They have turned this little apartment into a leopard/giraffe/elephant paradise! It is so cozy and smells so good. (candle freaks-both!) and the feeling that came over me as I sat in their easy chair was peace and comfort, and somehow a sense of "right". I sat there thinking that I am really finally ready to let her go. (But still thanking God that she's only 20 min away!) I'm also thankful she has a roommate that has a good head on her shoulders too. They are good for each other. They keep each other motivated and in line....well, somewhat! lol. I love her roommate almost like my own daughter.
Then they cooked for me! Imagine that! I was sitting at the dining room table watching my little grown-up girl cooking her first dinner in her first apartment. It was an amazing sight! I waited around a little and visited after dinner, but then I needed to come home. I came in and was greeted by 3 hungry cats and a messy house that I love, and felt once again, peaceful and right.

My darling daughter, I am so very proud of you and I love you more than I can say!