I'd rather have a root canal

Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors

When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun.
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done,
I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in it's head.
That's when my momma said...
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay...

You'll be a dentist

.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist

.
People will pay you to be inhumane!

You're temperament's wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You'll be a success!

So...this is the way I have thought about dentists ever since a certain unnamed asshole gave me 13 shots and even when I didn't get numb, drilled away! Before that, I was never scared of the dentist. Dr Robertson was sooo handsome, and he always said..Oh! There's that mean old Karen again! It wasn't an ordeal. Just something that had to be done. And afterwards, we got suckers!!! Keep 'em comin back!
However, Dr Jones, we shall call him, wasn't handsome, nor did he particularly care that I wasn't numb. He just kept shooting and drilling. Kinda like boot camp? Anyway, after that day I have been terrified of dentists. This is quite obvious if you look at my molars. I only have 4 left. The rest have had to be pulled because they got so bad they couldn't be fixed. I had neither the desire nor the money to do that, so I had them yanked. Each time I would go in a white-knuckled wreck and come out thinking...wow..that wasn't so bad. I might even make an appointment to go back. But I wouldn't.
This time, though, I had a choice. Dr B said I needed a root canal pretty soon. I put it off for as long as I could, but it started hurting sometimes, so I set an appointment. The closer it got, the more nervous I got. I found out how much it was going to cost. I decided to just get it pulled. My sister, bless her, said I should probably try to save the tooth and offered to help pay for the crown to keep it in my head. So I decided to go ahead with it. (As it turned out, she didn't have to help, so that was cool)
Today was the day.
I think it helps to tell the receptionist that you are scared. When the dentist, who is quite handsome, by the way, came in, he said he had heard I was "a little nervous" and promptly shot me up with a double dose of anesthetic. I won't feel the left side of my face til tomorrow! Even my NOSE is numb! I told him I couldn't believe how scared I was. After all, just a year ago I had a doctor cut both of my leg bones off and stick metal stuff in their place. I don't think I was this scared then.
I think it's because I didn't see it, you know? After all, when a dentist is in your mouth, well, he's right in your face! He had said I wouldn't have to do anything..maybe hold a tooth or something. I think he was kidding, but still... When I had my knee surgery, I didn't have to hold my freakin kneecap so the doc could pound the metal into my leg, ya know??? Plus I was totally asleep and dreaming of a happy place. Whatever happened to gassing patients??
Anyway, today I was numb, for sure, and he put this rubber dam thingy in my mouth and laid the chair back, pulled down those weird little magnifying glasses and started drilling. He had two hands in my mouth...the dental assistant had two hands in my mouth, and I felt like I had been abducted by aliens!
If they could ever make a drill that didn't make noise or vibrate your head or smell like something burning, people wouldn't mind going to the dentist so much. Someone should work on that! In fact, if it hadn't been for all the noise and stuff, I probably would've fallen asleep, because I almost did as it was! I just kept closing my eyes and waiting for something to hurt.
All in all, it wasn't a terrible experience. My hands were as numb as my face because I was clenching them so tightly. But it didn't hurt, and I'm very thankful for that. He wouldn't give me drugs, though.oh well...
My brother said once that teeth were not one of God's better creations. I tend to agree. They are necessary, though, and with a dentist like mine, I plan on taking better care of the ones that remain.
But I can tell you this...next time someone wants me to do something I really really really don't want to do, I can honestly say, "I'd rather have a root canal".

Falling Out of Bed 101 – Learn how in 40 steps!

1. Buy a wonderful new bed!
2. Get a great night’s sleep.
3. Reach over to the nightstand to answer the call from your sister.
4. Roll over and fall 3 ½ feet to the floor and land on your $100,000 knees.
5. Cuss
6. Try to get foot untangled from sheet. Rip a hole in your brand-new sheet.
7. Cuss
8. Try to stand up and talk on the phone at the same time.
9. Cuss
10. Tell sister you will call her back. Hang up.
11. Cuss
12. Take a deep breath and get under control.
13. Lay down on your belly and begin scooting backwards to the end of the bed.
14. Get elbow untangled from the extension cord on the floor.
15. Cuss
16. Ignore the fact that your nightgown is now up around your armpits.
17. Scoot, Cuss, Scoot
18. Realize you really have to pee.
19. Cuss
20. Get to the end of the bed. Try to get up on your knees.
21. Scream because they hurt…you just FELL on them, idiot!
22. Ignore the fact that the cats are all staring at you.
23. Cuss at the damn cats.
24. Try to remember how you got up when you fell down on the back porch last year.
25. Put right foot back, slip on carpet.
26. Cuss
27. Put right foot back again, then put left foot back.
28. Dig painful ingrown toenails into carpet.
29. Cuss
30. Raise up on elbows, then to palms.Walk legs up toward hands.
31. Stand up, run to bathroom before you wet your pants.
32. Cuss
33. Call frantic sister back. Assure her that you are ok. Hang up.
34. Cuss
35. Cry
36. Cuss
37. Make sure everything is still moving correctly.
38. Laugh
39. Cuss
40. Do not repeat!

I'm a chicken

I have a friend who asked me to set up an account on a dating site so she could see who was on there from her town. She's married...was just curious...but she didn't feel it would be right to put herself on there. So I agreed. I thought I would go ahead (since I was setting up the account anyway) and write a nice profile paragraph, and put a nice picture of myself to just see what happened. That was about 2 weeks ago. I have now deleted my account.
I have several reasons for deleting the account. Mainly it is because I received about 5 emails from "interested" men. Every single one of them said hi. do you have any more pictures? ARRRRRGH!!!!! Hell no, I don't have any more pictures! If I'd had more pictures I would've posted them you friggin idiot!!! Read my damn profile!
I understand that men and women are wired differently. That's cool. I can deal with that. But before the internet had pictures, people actually had to IM each other for a while before finding out what the other looked like. I'll have to admit there were some surprises with some of the ones that I met..ohhhh yeah...lol. I imagine some of them were surprised too. But at least we knew a little bit about each other.
I did get in touch with one fellow that seemed to be really nice. Very articulate. He can actually spell! I talked to him online for a couple of hours today. He said he has problems with women because he has "old fashioned ideas about dating". After our extended conversation, I have come to realize that he is controlling and wants a submissive woman. NOOO WAY! Not for me. I am too set in my ways to put up with that kind of crap. Now I will admit that I might be wrong. But I believe my impression is correct. After all, I'm obviously not the only one who has had that impression.
So I decided rather than put my effort into trying to find someone else to talk to, I'll just continue to do what I'm doing. Maybe one of these days I'll run into someone at the gas station and he'll be the right one. Maybe he'll offer to buy me coffee or a pair of gloves...
I don't know..it's really hard to think about being with someone. When I got married I was young and relatively in shape. We kinda grew up together. But what happens when you are with someone new at my age? How do you get past the fact that your boobs point to the floor and there are weird black hairs that show up overnight on your chin? What about those weird hairs that show up on your BOOBS??? How do you know when it's ok to fart in their presence? How am I going to sit and pluck hairs while watching 24 if there is someone sitting there beside me? How long does it take to get that comfortable? What about my toenails? OMG! I'd have to go get my toes removed before I could even take my shoes off in front of him! And then...IF we took time to get to know each other and IF things kinda went in that direction...eventually he would want to *gulp* have s-e-x.. YIKES!! The very idea of getting naked in front of a man makes me break out in a cold sweat and feel like I'm gonna fart! I just can't imagine. It would be so sad to see a grown man run screaming down the street.
No more dating sites for me. I have in my imagination the kind of guy I'm looking for. Maybe someday he'll come along. If not, I'm cool with that. I just can't see making myself miserable just to have a man around when I have worked so hard to make myself UN-miserable without one. Just doesn't make sense to me.
So, my friend may not have been able to see who in her hometown is looking for a woman. If she did, and she knows any of them, maybe she'll introduce us. If not, she'll have to set up her own account. I'm not going through that again. I titled this "I'm a chicken" but I don't think that's true. I think I'm just wiser than I used to be, and I'm cool by myself.
Where the hell are my tweezers????

This is a test... of Murphy's Law!

Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

This statement is one that I really try to not invoke. I believe in thinking postively as long as possible. But there are days where things are so messed up that it has to be dubbed a "Murphy" day. There's even a website about it http://www.murphys-laws.com/. Check it out.
Well, today was one of those days. I know that there were many other things that could've gone wrong, and I am so thankful that they didn't. But even so, it was a frustrating day!
I was expecting my to-your-door mechanic to come by last night and replace the ignition pack on my car. He was unable to do so, but we set up for him to come by today. I was so excited about being able to drive again, I was almost happy to be going to work! He replaced the ignition pack, which was totally melted by the way, and tried to start the car. It didn't start. He said that it needed a tune-up and that was probably what caused the ignition pack to melt in the first place. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to work on that this morning. It was around 10:30, and he had to be at work at noon. By the time he got everything all put away, it was 11:00. He said he would take me to his house and his sister (who didnt have to work until 2) would take me the rest of the way to work. Fortunately, he called her and she said she also had to be at work at noon. So we are hanging halfway out into the street at this time, with cars honking, and I'm saying never mind, I'll call my daughter. See, she had told me last night that she had to be at work at 2:30 today. So I called her. She didn't answer, but then she called me back....from work. Turns out she had to be there at 10:30. Everybody else was already at work, of course, so I called in and told them I wouldn't be there.
Meanwhile, I called the maintenance man about the plumbing. Seems the toilet has been rocking quite a bit, and lately when it is flushed, you can kinda, well...hear it in the pipes. He came in, flushed the toilet. Nothing. I said...I don't believe this. So, I rocked the toilet, then flushed it. Overflow. Water everywhere. He plunged, it came up in the bathtub. Thank God it was only water! He left, promising to call Roto-rooter. I've not heard a thing since. That's all the information I will give except to say, he'd better show up tomorrow!
The thing is...I don't know...maybe I'm learning to deal with disappointment. Maybe I need to learn to assert myself more in these situations. But since I had to stay home, I wanted to clean the kitchen, wash dishes, do laundry, which are all things that use the drain. I wasn't able to do any of them. Of course, I also had to arrange for a ride to and from work tomorrow, which is no problem (I hope..) and my daughter had to come get me to take me to the gas station so I don't miss out on my 7000 bonus Speedy Reward points. Gotta have those priorities! So, see...it could've been much worse. I mean, the tub could've backed up when I was taking a shower...right?
But it's really kind of interesting. Although I am frustrated and just a little disgusted with people who don't return important phone calls JEFF, I feel surprisingly hopeful. Maybe all these things are getting over with at the first of the year. Maybe the rest of the year will be better. Maybe I have learned how to overcome Murphy's Law. We'll call it Karen's law... Anything that can go wrong MIGHT go wrong, but most times it's only SOME things. I think I like that better.

Light at the end of the tunnel....

Yes, indeed! Light! Light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully it's not a freight train coming my way (No Leaf Clover-Metallica)
Car problems, car problems! I hate them with a passion. A friend of mine told me they need to make a Karen-proof car, and I think she's right. I'm really hard on cars for some reason. Guess I should've called that college on tv so I could earn money doing what I love, and work with my hands. Wait...that would be crafting...oh well. So today a mechanic made a house call, and it looks like I'm not going to have to pay a fortune for car repairs. In fact, I'm going to be paying close to the same amount I would've squandered on a stupid pyramid scheme. Sis is gonna loan me the money til my tax check comes, so it's only a week or so til I have some freedom again. You would think my house would be spotless by now, but..well...I hate housework! I'm looking forward to the time I can have Rosie the Robot living in my house cleaning up behind me. So yaaaay for the car, and yaaay for my sister, and yaaay for tax refunds, and well...just yaaaay! lol
I don't understand why a city like Indianapolis would have such a lousy mass transit system. I know a few years ago they even removed some bus routes, so people have even less of a chance to get to where they need to go. I drive 14 miles to work every day. It's not that far, really. I know there are people who drive a lot further. But the thing is, there is no way to get there from here unless you drive a car! No bus, no train, no subway, no nothing. It's really sad because people are so big on reducing pollution, but they don't do anything to help! So, I have to have this car, and until I can afford a Beamer, she's gonna have to do. No car payments either, cause I am just barely making it as it is! Eventually I know I'll have to break down and get one, but hopefully I will have started making money selling my crafts online.
I'm rambling, but I'm just thankful for all the people who have helped me during this time. It's just awesome!

Happy New Year?

I have to say as I begin this post, that everything I said in my New Year's post is true. I still believe every last word. That is why it is so hard for me to admit that this New Year so far has not been good at all. In fact, I am suffering from some of the worst depression I've had in a long time. Not exactly sure why, but I am trying to put my finger on it.
I started out the year with car trouble. Car trouble always sucks, but when it's below zero wind chills outside and I have to rely on others to get me to and from work, then it gets stressful. I was so stressed out all week that today I didn't go to work. I wasn't sick...physically, anyway...but I just knew somehow that even though my car would most likely start, I needed to stay home. I woke up and called in to work, sat down on the couch and proceeded to sleep (sitting up!) until 1:15 when my sister called to make sure I was alive. Thank God she called or I might still be sitting there snoozing even now. (12 hours later)
Hopefully, there won't be repercussions from my being out today. If there are, I am willing to accept that. Because I think I figured out something.
I don't know how to live without being in pain! For the past 7 years or so, I have lived with this constant crippling arthritis pain in my knees. It has been my reason, and sometimes my excuse, to not do much of anything. Now, I don't have that pain. I have no reason to not do the things I need or want to do. I have spent the past couple of months sitting in front of this computer playing all manner of mindless games just like I did before. Not to say that there's anything wrong with playing games, but in my mind I'm still a cripple. I still tell myself I can't do things. This is a huge part of my problem, my depression. I need to tell myself I CAN do it! Having my knees replaced has turned my life around, yet I keep looking back. I cannot do that any more.
I have to start right now, today, doing things that are difficult. Doing the things that I used to put off because I hurt. I think over the years I just got lazy (er..)and now it's just a struggle to not be lazy anymore. I can do this. I know I can...I can actually reach my bootstraps now to pull myself up. Today is the day. Things are going to change, and I hope that in a few weeks, I will be able to post here that they have indeed changed. There are other things I have to deal with, of course. I don't like my job, I'm lonely, I don't make enough money. But these are things that will take care of themselves in the passage of time AFTER I learn to live with my new physical UNlimitations!
Keep pulling for me, friends!

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2010. I don't think that much is like the movie 2010, which is something for which we should be thankful. It's so funny...it's just another day, January 1. The sun rises just like it does every other day. The weather continues as it was on December 31. The bills that were supposed to be paid on December 28 are still due. Nothing really changes. Yet in my mind, it is like closing a finished book and putting it on the shelf. Then another book is opened, waiting to be explored. I asked a guy yesterday if he had a good Christmas and New Year. He shrugged and said, "It was just another day." And...he's right..it was just another day. So what makes January 1 so different? We do. We make it different. In the minds of those of us who choose to celebrate this "just another day", it is an official time to start over. Whether with resolutions or, as with most of the people I have talked to, a time to get rid of a not so great year and start a new, more promising one. I have made resolutions, but have decided to defy tradition and not start most of them til January 4. I am cheating! But one resolution that I have already begun is to be more positive about my life. I don't want to have a Pollyanna attitude by any means. But I've learned that what we think is what we are. So if I believe that I can make things different, then I can. It's the belief part that is difficult, though. Start small, I guess. Baby steps.
For instance, "I hate housework" has been my motto for years. My house, unfortunately, reflects that motto. My messy house, in turn, makes me feel depressed, which makes me feel bad about the rest of my life. Eventually I get to the point where I just ignore the mess, and just allow myself to get more and more depressed. Today I looked around and thought, I need for Neicy Nash to come see me!! I need to be on Clean House! I am happy that my house isn't THAT bad yet, but I made a vow this morning that I'm going to make my house back to a nice place. Me. Not Neicy and Matt and Mark and that whiney Trish...eek...Me. I am going to start small and do the things that need to be done. And I will do them for MYSELF. Not for anyone else. After all, I am the one who lives here. I have said for the past few months that it doesn't matter what it looks like because I am the only one who sees it. Well, am I not worth seeing a nice place? I deserve to have a nice place. I've worked hard to get it. So it's time. (I just realized, though, that instead of being in there cleaning, I'm in here writing...lol..oh well...)
So, my one resolution that I am beginning right now is to believe that I am deserving of good things. As with most good things, I will have to take the first step, and that is what I will do.
So, why do we celebrate a new year? Because it is an official opportunity to start over and make the life for ourselves that we want to have. It is the time when we decide to change our attitudes toward something that we have allowed to color our lives gray and dingy. Wipe away the soot from the windows and see the sunshine. It's very possible that the thing we have allowed to do this will still be around. Even so, our thoughts can change so that we aren't colored by this thing anymore. We can paint our own picture. Not Pollyanna by any means, and certainly not with feigned ignorance...but it is amazing the difference just one positive thought can make in a situation. One stand against the negative can make the next stand easier.
I know I will be tested on this. I will win some, I will fail some. I may not know what your situation is like. But that's the whole point. We each have to make the choice. I'm scared, believe me. I have things that I need to face that no one knows about, as do we all. I am afraid of the failure. But I'm tired of waking up every day and feeling like I'm worthless. I am NOT worthless. YOU are not worthless. If we all lived like we were worth something, would our world be better? I think it might.
My thought for the year:
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end. ~ Carl Bard

Let's make it a good year!

Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

It was a good Christmas. No snow really to speak of here in central Indiana. A slight dusting, enough to make the road a little slick, and the back porch a little icy, but other than that...definitely not a white Christmas.

For me, it has been a difficult season. My first season in 26 years where I didn't have my daughter home helping me decorate, watching It's a Wonderful Life with me, cooking Chicken Cordon Bleu (for the last couple of years!) with me. It's been strange. I almost didn't decorate past the village, but I realized that I needed to. I needed to have that Christmas spirit, even if it was only for myself. Why? Well, for one thing...I don't want to turn into a Scrooge. I haven't really lost my daughter. She has just grown up. It is as it should be. I raised her able to leave, and that's good. It's been lonely, but she is just a phone call or a visit to her work away. She still wants to see me, talk to me. She isn't mad at me, she is just..well...a grown up! She has begun making her new life for herself, and I am so proud of her I don't know what to do!

Part of my problem, of course, is that I didn't take any time to make sure that I grew up enough to live on my own. Sounds kinda funny, but it's really true. When your kid is running around and getting into things, you think they can't get out of the house fast enough. But my girl is a joy to be around and I guess I just never let myself think of her moving out. So weird. Makes me sound rather clingy, which I guess I have been. But I'm working on it. I don't want her to dread to see my name come up on her caller ID, or to make excuses to not come around. So, I give her the space she needs. I called her today just to say hello. She talked to me for a few minutes and my day was made! Now I can start taking down the Christmas things, and I can watch a couple more Christmas movies, and smile and sing while I do it. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that someone loves us. These moments have to be cherished. Life is fleeting, as is time.

Remember, each of us is someone's George Bailey. There would be an awful hole in their lives if we had never been born. This year, in addition to being YOUR George Bailey, maybe...I want to be MY George Bailey! I want to make MY life better by knowing myself.

So Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, and if it's not too bad to mix Wonderful Life with A Christmas Carol...God bless us all, every one!

Patty O'Furniture..again...

My readers will remember the Saga of the Patty O'Furniture. As you can see, everything happens for a reason! This picture shows my back yard after the gusty winds of a few nights ago. Every piece of furniture, including the swing, is now off the porch and on the ground. One thing you will notice, however, is that the table is still intact! Imagine how upsetting it would've been if I had been able to get that $300 glass patio set, only to find it smashed to smithereens in the back yard! Let this be a lesson! Follow those gut feelings...cause you just never know! =)

The Village--Part 2

Ok, so I decided to go ahead and set up the village. Here is a picture. It turned out beautifully, I think. So far, the cats have stayed off it, so I'm hopeful for the rest of the season. Took me 9 hours to get it all set up. After the devastation of the F5, I think it looks pretty darn good!