I Care!!!

You know…Day after day things happen in our lives. Good, bad..boring..indifferent…SSDD…one day after another the time goes by. All of a sudden a year is gone. But if you look at my blog..apparently nothing has happened to me since July of 2013!

This has made me wonder why I started writing a blog in the first place. I used to fancy myself some kind of writer. Maybe I would eventually write a book. Maybe I would write something that people would re-post on Facebook.  Maybe someone would find me interesting.  Lots of maybes…but still I don’t write much. Why is this? 

Some things, I suppose, are too personal to put out there for all to see. There are things that are deliberately kept secret, and they sure don’t need to be broadcast on the internet.  I don’t know if this is just my issue or not, but I read other people’s blogs and it’s obvious they write just for the joy of writing.  Some write very well, others…not so well, but still entertaining. But I compare my writings to theirs and I seem to be so boring!! And I ask myself…who cares about my cats and my decorations and my car and all the other things that make up my mundane existence? 

The answer is: I do! I care! And therein lies the problem with me and my blog. I have been writing because I think people might want to read it. What I should be doing is writing because I want to write.

I keep a little journal. It’s a 10 year journal and I have pretty much faithfully written in it at least once a week since I got it in January 2012. Not too bad considering. But it’s mostly just a record of daily “stuff” with a few extra things thrown in. It’s a really nice journal. If you’re interested, you can get it here:  http://www.journal10.com/   My daily entries mostly consist of:  I worked. I’m tired. I’m still not smoking. I still am not on my diet. I gained weight. I lost weight. I smoked. Cold today. Hot today. Gas $3.50. Gas $3.99. Gas $3.20. Rain, snow, sleet, hail, tornado, blizzard,etc. It’s like the old Chinese restaurant menu. Choose one from Column A and one from Column B. This is my day.

But what is IN that day? THAT’S the interesting stuff. The things my mind comes up with on a daily basis. These are the roadmaps for following my dreams. Being creative. Doing the things that I love doing. Getting out from in front of the TV or computer long enough to actually DO something creative. That’s the rub. Because I hadn’t realized that I shouldn’t do creative stuff for others. I need to do it for myself. It makes me happy to create and yet I get bogged down in the daily crap and only do it in small bursts. People who create for a living do it because they love doing it..not to make the money..but because they CAN!

Another thing I just realized is that people who are successful bloggers just assume that there are people who want to read what they have to say! **LIGHTBULB MOMENT!!** 

This is the lesson of the day. I’m not trying to please my mother, my boss, that future Mr Right, my art teacher, or any of my 271 friends on Facebook and Pinterest. I am going to create to please myself, because I am good at it, and it makes me happy. And I want to be happy!!

So hopefully there will be more blogs with my creations pictured. No, not hopefully, there WILL be more blogs with my creations pictured.   And if you like, please let me know.

It will also make me happy to know you enjoy my blog.

Just sayin’!  

Baby, it's colllllld outside!!!

Across the frozen tundra she went...wind whipping snow around sometimes making it hard to see...very little fuel..no coffee..not even water..scary creatures creeping up on either side and flying past..yet on she went...

A story of a great explorer of the Antarctic? nah...Karen B driving to work!! Be safe everyone! 

7 months later

Sounds like a horror movie...where at the end and all the demons have been banished back to Hell and the house is all quiet..then...."7 MONTHS LATER..."  the mom is doing laundry and the kids are playing Scrabble in the living room, and the floor opens up and sucks them all into another dimension just in time for dad to come home from work. "THE END"

Ok, don't know where that came from! I do know that in the past 7 months I haven't done much of anything to meet any of my goals I talked about before. I did drink enough wine to fill the chandelier. Here is proof of that..I DID have help, though..

So I guess at least I got that accomplished.

Maybe I should start blogging about crafts or recipes or something interesting, rather than blathering on about drinking habits and working. I can tell you that I gained back most of the weight that I lost, but I'm still 25 pounds ahead of the game so I'm starting over. I can tell you that I changed my hours at the grocery store so I have 2 weekend days now to waste instead of just one. I can tell you that I made mint juleps from real mint Friday night and I think I could become a whisky drinker with practice. But are those things you want to read about?  hmmm...maybe.. I suppose there have been more mundane things blogged about over the years, so I really shouldn't worry but, despite outward appearances, I am a perfectionist. That's why I never get anything done!

Anyway, if anyone has any comments or if there's something you want me to write about, by all means, let me know. I'll do my best!

Is that a hole in the floor??????

Indiana Weather

Crazy melancholy day today. Overcast, and in the 60's! I remember back in the olden days where every year on my birthday we'd have an ice storm or snow or something. But it's supposed to thunderstorm tonight, with possibility of 3 inches of rain. If that was snow it would be ...lets's see...3 inches rain multiplied by um...32 degrees divided by...never mind...it'd be a LOT of snow!

I love storms as long as no trees fall on my car or my house or anything, and the power stays on. I'm always afraid the power will go off and I won't have my backup alarm set and I'll be late for work.  Need to go set my alarm right now...be right back..

Ok, that's better! :)

Can't think of much else to talk about except the weather right now, so I'll just post this picture that pretty much says it all and bid you a good night.

Happy Birthday to Meeeee!

Once again, my birthday has rolled around on the calendar...well, not quite...3 more days, but the party is tomorrow night. I'm totally psyched about it because I have a Christmas present to use! My daughter and her boyfriend bought me this awesome wine bottle chandelier. It holds 16 empty wine bottles. So everyone who comes is supposed to bring a bottle to contribute to the decor. I even got a silver sharpie so they can sign the bottom of the bottle they bring.  Will post a picture when it's filled. Right now it's hanging cockeyed because it has 3 bottles in it. Need to level that sucker out!!

All day today I have been cleaning and putting things away. I should really have a party every month cause that way my house would be clean all the time! I even pulled down the cobwebs tonight. I usually forget that part of it. 

I enjoy so much the getting ready for the party! I have shopped and chopped and stirred all evening. The pork roast is in the crock pot for pulled pork sandwiches, and I have chips and dip and cheese and crackers and yum and yum and yum! So much for my diet this weekend!

The main thing I enjoy of course is having my family and friends here. Most of my friends are like family so it's like one huge reunion. I always stress out over it before it starts. Will it be fun? Will someone get too drunk and get dramatic? Will that someone be ME??? 

But most of the time, it's just a gathering of people who care about each other to eat, drink, and be merry, and enjoy each other's company. And play kings...always kings!

I'll be 58 years old on Monday. I hope I'll be having a party when I'm 78 ...88... 108?? wow...well, I can dream, huh?  Sure don't feel that old..

I just want to encourage you to have a gathering. Doesn't have to be drinking, or lots of food, or a big deal. Just get some friends together and have a good time. These days there are so many things to worry about. While it does no good to worry, it still happens. Having a get-together is a way to keep the wolf out the door for a while and just LIVE. 

Do it! I think you'll be glad you did!!

BRRRRRRR!

It's freezing here in Indiana today..supposed to get even colder. A good time for curling up on the couch with a hot toddy (or a hot TOMMY har har) and just watching the world go by.
Unfortunately, it's also a Monday, which meant going to work and freezing with only coffee to keep me warm. (Tommy is non-existent, in my life anyway. So that's a moot point.)
But the SKY! It was beautiful today on my way home. Once the sun finally got out of my eyes, there was blue sky with little white and gray puffy clouds, some which were sporting rainbow colors we always called "sun-dogs". As always when I see skies like that I think...I need to paint!!!
I would've taken a picture but I only had my cell phone with me and I'm notorious for taking very shaky and pretty much horrible pictures with that! But it is in my head, and will hopefully find its way into one of my paintings one of these days.
So instead of watching TV all night, I believe I will get out my paints and start re-learning the art. Never too late, right? 2013 is the year for following dreams.

Tommy will have to wait.

A year in the life....

Opening this blog tonight gave me a total and complete surprise. It has been a year and several days since I wrote anything. I know I've had stories to tell, but it seems that I felt maybe my life was not so interesting after all.
It wasn't really a new year's resolution (I didn't make any this year..waste of time..) but I think I have decided tonight that my life MIGHT be interesting to someone out there...so..I will try to do better!

2012...I don't think it was a good year for anyone. It seemed like it flew by with day after day of working my long time boring job, and working my other job 2 nights a week and Sundays. One day weekends suck, that's for sure. But I love my car and my house and having food to eat, so I do what I can to survive it without being bitter.

I think what I have learned most in the past year is to try to be positive about things. Since it does no good to be negative and worry I pretty much started walking away from the bad stuff. You know we all talk about doing that, and share things that are meant to make us keep positive, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of life, it's really hard to do.

My brother told me about a book called "The Four Agreements". I read it several years ago, but I believe it has done a great deal to change my outlook on life. I won't go into detail, because it's something that you would need to read yourself. But I will list them here:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best

Some of the agreements seem very simplistic in the list, but there is more to them when you dig down. Just a suggestion... Not to say I'm perfect by any means...I'm just trying to do my best!

I went through a bit of an empty nest thing for a while. Lost 64 pounds, gained back 20, lost 5 more and am going down again. Quit smoking several times. Bit my fingernails down to nothing and watched hour upon hour of Monk reruns. This has been my life. I have set up a craft room that I have yet to craft in, still cannot get my bed feng shui'ed correctly, and don't sit on my front porch like I should.

I am happy to say that my daughter is happy with her man, and that makes me almost ecstatic. I am so thankful that he was brought into her life and they are making a life together.  And no, I haven't met anyone special....yet!

So I'm happy living in my little house in the big hood, with my 3 cats who allow me to stay with them. I look to the future with what I call a "Scarlett O'Hara" attitude. I do what I can to make my life good today. And if I mess up or if it just turns out to be a shitty day, well...I use the words of Miss Scarlett...."after all, tomorrow IS another day!"

Make it a good one!

Time flies when you're having...work!

Well, once again, it's been a long time. Guess nobody missed me much since I didn't get any cosmic vibes, but that's ok.


Been working, did get a new car, which is good. Had a good holiday season and ready for the next chapter. 


Working on organizing, rearranging, getting my shit together. Maybe after I do all that, I can start thinking about maybe finding a man..lol..


Anyway..I can't think of anything to write about, except maybe kitchen grease, and that doesn't sound very interesting, so I will just say goodbye for now!!

And I call myself a blogger....

Boy I tell ya...6 months between entries is not a very good track record, is it?? So much has happened since June I don't even know where to begin. Oh wait! Yes I do...My new car? It's a piece of crap! I have had nothing but trouble with it since I got it and I'm about ready to trade it in for a different one. I can't believe I let myself get ripped off like that. Just goes to show, sometimes you just can't trust people you think you know. *sigh*

So, aside from that, life has been a blur pretty much the whole time. My daughter, her friend, and I took another historic trip to GA to visit family. We had to rent a car, of course, because mine wouldn't freaking make it...cuss, cuss...*deep breath*....We had a great time and the beer flowed freely as usual. It was good to see everyone again. Good to see my mother, since she is getting so old I never know when will be the last time. She continues to surprise us, however, by hanging in there. 

When we came home, I started a part time job at the grocery store. The first week, I thought I was going to die, I was so tired. But when the extra money started coming in every week, I was happy to be exhausted with pain over my entire body.  Speaking of my entire body, however, by this time it was about 30 pounds smaller than what it had been. I began Dr Atkins new diet  on April 18 or thereabouts and by July I had lost 30 pounds. At this writing, I have lost 52. I am 1/3 of the way to where I want to be, but my next goal is to lose 10 more pounds to weigh less than I have had on my driver's license for roughly the last 20 years. Actually I weigh less now than I have for those past 20 years, cuz it probably wasn't correct then either. It's very exciting to be losing weight, but some days it's really hard. But I know it will be worth it. Holidays are coming up again too, so I need to really get my game face on!

Going through the empty nest again too. Well, 99% of the time anyway. My girl has moved out again, with the love of her life. She is happy and I'm so glad! It makes it a lot easier to be without her, although I still miss her intensely sometimes.

Ok, that's all the "news that's fit to print" at this time. Nothing funny, I guess. I'll try to write more often.
In between work and work and making Christmas presents...well, you know! If it gets to be more than a couple weeks, send cosmic vibes and I will write.

This is me after losing 50 pounds. My friends at work gave me roses to commemorate.

New Wheels=New Outlook?

So, finally the planets have aligned and the stars are in the correct position for me to get a new car. Here it is! It's not NEW, but new to me, of course. I love it so far! Looking forward to many years of good gas mileage, nothing falling off on the way to work, no duct tape, no coat hangers, and an actual working radio!  It is my Talisman, the thing that will be the pivotal point in my life for change. Or at least I'm hoping it will be. Just think, less money spent on gas and on fixing the car will mean more money to spend on utilities and rent and stuff! How exciting! Would love to be able to say that saving money on auto expenses would allow me to save money for a trip to Florida or to the west coast, but at this point I'm not sure how that will work out. Ever since bringing it home, I have been in a kind of melancholy mood. I thought I would be overjoyed and jumping up and down, opening the back door just to look out and see it. And I have been, to a point. But, as with all changes, there has come a sense of responsibility, a sense of longing for old habits dying hard, a certain trepidation about my ability to take care of something new. My shortcomings are all flashing in front of my eyes. The sense of wonder at how things worked out for me to be able to get the car, and wondering if I am worthy.  Am I worthy? The answer, definitely, is YES! I work hard and I deserve a nice car! Not only that, I'm 56 years old and need to drive something befitting my age. So,  I will walk (drive?) proudly and steadfastly into the future, with high hopes and a new outlook that this will make a difference in my life. No longer will I be afraid to drive anywhere. No longer will I be worried all the time about whether the car will make it another couple of years til I can afford another one. All those worries I used to have are gone now. This brings a new problem....WHAT WILL I WORRY ABOUT???  Just kidding, but you know what I mean. It is a load off my shoulders, and I'm thankful for that. So, as a new, proud Mama, with a not-so-great track record with cars, I'm showing off my baby. Say hello and keep your fingers crossed, for you are looking at the future!

I would like to add to this that the Kia didn't last more than 6 months. In fact, I barely drove it during that time. It was always breaking down. I am now the proud partial owner of a Toyota Corolla, and a car payment. I do love my car though. Had it for over a year now, and it's doing great!  (1/25/2013)